Healthy 29 weaker- yet mom still struggling emotionally

[Kavadikian23]

Just throwing this out there to see what comes back. I was 26 ys old and had a 29 weeks baby 2 ls 7 oz. healthy as can be. Spent 2 months in a nicu , did amazing. My husband and I are the type to deal with things as they happen, and stay strong for others, put on a brave face etc. so I feel like I did great during the nicu stay- yet she is 15 months old now perfectly normal and yet I still cannot talk about the first 2 months without crying. Am I nuts???

[sam10]

I'd say, no you are not nuts! PE and its consequences ( for you that included a Nicu stay) leaves its marks regardless of how well we deal with it at that very moment. Sadness, shock and similar can come and hit us even long after the event. Perhaps only now you start feeling a bit more relaxed about your baby, thus your emotions hit you know. It might have been triggered by something very specific and bam. I cried yesterday like my Henry had just died recently while putting together a baby registry list for my new baby. It was tough to realize I never could pick out anything for him.
The Nicu is a 'tough' place and not the usual environment to parent your baby. It is stressful, full of hope, fear, stress, uncertainty, sometimes tradegy. And evev if your baby came home healthy, you probably felt some of these emotions during the Nicu stay. Allow your emotions to be what they are, they are common and you might experience simar ones again sometimes. Be gentle with yourself. Sending you hugs.

[Kavadikian23]

Thank you for your words!! It will just take time I guess. But we are just starting to try for number 2 this month and I think it's bringing back some fear that I didn't know that I had. I just feel like I should be over it by now since she's ok. . . How is your pregnancy this go round?? I'm nervous for the unknown . But super excited for you and your baby!! Prayers for an unevertful delivery!!!! <3

[sam10]

I had to learn and realize that a subsequent pregnancy after PE comes with a lot of anxiety and brings back some memories in an unexpected intensity, some at very unexpected times. I found myself during an ultrasound suddenly confused not knowing what year it was, and for this split second I thought it was all about Henry. And this is just one example of many. But as this pregnancy progresses (without any issues - knock on wood) the fear gets less and the excitement grows, interspersed with sadness over Henry. And I guess I am bracing myself, as I am sure some unexpected emotions will surface even after this baby arrives.

I am mot surprised that your fears and emotions come back now that are thinking of #2. I'll keep my fingers crossed and let us know how it goes.

[caryn]

They say that a lot of women with a history of preeclampsia have PTSD - but this doesn't make sense to me, because *we're not post* stress. We're thinking of going back into the same territory where we were harmed and where our babies were threatened or killed and getting pregnant again, on purpose. Of *course* we are struggling with the whole thing.

[Kavadikian23]

Thx ladies..

[princess purr]

It might be hard to talk about those first two months because you know what a scary time that was and how lucky you are. You got the good outcome but two months is a long time to live in the unknown, and now that your baby is 15 months old you know exactly what you would have been missing out on if this had gone the other way. So, I think it is perfectly normal to get upset about a very stress, scarey, difficult but exciting time in your life. Everything says second pregnancies are normallllll easier. You normallll go longer, and at watched very closly. I know it is still scary though!