I'd say, no you are not nuts! PE and its consequences ( for you that included a Nicu stay) leaves its marks regardless of how well we deal with it at that very moment. Sadness, shock and similar can come and hit us even long after the event. Perhaps only now you start feeling a bit more relaxed about your baby, thus your emotions hit you know. It might have been triggered by something very specific and bam. I cried yesterday like my Henry had just died recently while putting together a baby registry list for my new baby. It was tough to realize I never could pick out anything for him.
The Nicu is a 'tough' place and not the usual environment to parent your baby. It is stressful, full of hope, fear, stress, uncertainty, sometimes tradegy. And evev if your baby came home healthy, you probably felt some of these emotions during the Nicu stay. Allow your emotions to be what they are, they are common and you might experience simar ones again sometimes. Be gentle with yourself. Sending you hugs.
MC 3/2009 and 3/2011Henry
(1/1/2010-1/7/2010) - forever loved and missed; severe PE with Hellp; partial placental abruption, classical c-section at 25.6 weeksMatilda
(Nov. 2012, born at 35.4 weeks) - severe PE
Our pain has been put into words, placed into empty cradles, to remember that all our babies lived, that they mattered and always will. - Field of Cradles http://www.fieldofcradles.org/