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Ranting here! This is going to sound crazy

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Ranting here! This is going to sound crazy

Postby littlebbigb » Wed Oct 03, 2012 11:42 pm

by littlebbigb (19 Posts), Wed Oct 03, 2012 11:42 pm

This is going to sound crazy but people are driving me nuts! I feel like this is a very serious condition and I would like some privacy and actual rest right now, but people will not leave me alone. I think everyone knows this person or that person that got put on bed rest and THEY ended up fine, so what's the big deal. Also, because I'm just "sitting at home" I have nothing better to do than listen to their stupid problems, which drives up my blood pressure.

I have tried to post on Facebook that while I appreciate their concern, I'm too out of breath to talk on the phone.... What happens? More people call me than ever!

I know I should be grateful to have friends, but I want my personal space right now.

Does any of this sound familiar or do I just sound like a brat?
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Re: Ranting here! This is going to sound crazy

Postby holly3372@msn.com » Thu Oct 04, 2012 05:22 am

by holly3372@msn.com (478 Posts), Thu Oct 04, 2012 05:22 am

Yes sounds familiar and no you aren't being a brat. I have really had to stay focused on myself and say NO. It is getting easier and easier. Although I am not on bedrest at this time ( I am 23 weeks) I am working barley part time which takes enough out of me. After and befre work I have pretty much put myself on bedrest. I have friends asking if I want to do lunch, dinner or meet for coffee all the time. I am also grateful for this however I have just come right out and said, I need my rest and cannot talk or meet up at this time. Friends I really like and can handle seeing have offered to bring lunch over which is great but again its at my discretion! I also just do not answer the phone for people sometimes for days. One friend was upset over this said she was worried and thought we were closer then that. I had to explain that this is not about her. I am going through alot mentally and physically and love her dearly but just need my time and space to rest and grow this baby as much as my body will allow.

I am sorry you are going through this, I know it can be stressful and the last thing we need is any more stress. The friends that matter most will just have to understand and be there for you from a distance at ths time. If you have to continue explaining yourself , well that's just crazy and again more stress on you. I wouldn't get into it again. If they don't get it( which sadly most people don't unless they have been through what we have) then you have to just let it go and focus on the reason you are on bedrest, which is REST! You could also try having a friend who does get it, or your partner talk to them for you. Hope this helps a little
Benjamin Spider Reeves born 4-28-2010( 1lb 6oz 26 weeks to severe pre-e and Iugr) we lost you after 4 long months in the NICU. You fought so hard,and were so brave.Our first baby .We miss you everyday and love you forever xo

Expecting ,dreaming, and hoping for our baby Girl sometime in January 2013
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Re: Ranting here! This is going to sound crazy

Postby princess purr » Thu Oct 04, 2012 06:43 am

by princess purr (1092 Posts), Thu Oct 04, 2012 06:43 am

Just change the message on your cell phone to something like I am resting right now, please email or text me and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Change your cell phone default ring to silent and just change the ringer of people that you would need to hear from to something that would make you up. You can't make people listen to you, but you can sure as heck ignore them!
Val (34) & Carlos (32)
Married: April 29th 2011
Veronica Rosina, 11/25/2004-11/27/2004
Born at 26.5 weeks (1 lb 4oz, 14 inches) because of severe preeclampsia (doc says I was on my way to HELLP but not there yet)
Nicholas Robert, 11/22/2013 7 lb 7oz 19.5 inches, born at 36 weeks (due to previous classical c-section) PE FREE!!!!!!
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Re: Ranting here! This is going to sound crazy

Postby littlebbigb » Thu Oct 04, 2012 12:38 am

by littlebbigb (19 Posts), Thu Oct 04, 2012 12:38 am

Great advice. I have been trying to accommodate everyone but me/us...except at work. It was SOOO easy to ignore their calls and text when I was placed on unpaid leave...now I just need to do this with the friends.

I wish this was easy for them to understand. I just don't think they get the gravity of the situation. It really hits home when they are talking about weighing the risks and delivering early to save your LIFE and your baby's LIFE!

This forum has been a life saver. I am planning on donating something to Preeclampsia.org after this is all over. I think it has saved me a pile of money in therapy bills.
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Re: Ranting here! This is going to sound crazy

Postby littlebbigb » Thu Oct 04, 2012 12:44 am

by littlebbigb (19 Posts), Thu Oct 04, 2012 12:44 am

holly3372@msn.com wrote:Yes sounds familiar and no you aren't being a brat. I have really had to stay focused on myself and say NO. It is getting easier and easier. Although I am not on bedrest at this time ( I am 23 weeks) I am working barley part time which takes enough out of me. After and befre work I have pretty much put myself on bedrest. I have friends asking if I want to do lunch, dinner or meet for coffee all the time. I am also grateful for this however I have just come right out and said, I need my rest and cannot talk or meet up at this time. Friends I really like and can handle seeing have offered to bring lunch over which is great but again its at my discretion! I also just do not answer the phone for people sometimes for days. One friend was upset over this said she was worried and thought we were closer then that. I had to explain that this is not about her. I am going through alot mentally and physically and love her dearly but just need my time and space to rest and grow this baby as much as my body will allow.

I am sorry you are going through this, I know it can be stressful and the last thing we need is any more stress. The friends that matter most will just have to understand and be there for you from a distance at ths time. If you have to continue explaining yourself , well that's just crazy and again more stress on you. I wouldn't get into it again. If they don't get it( which sadly most people don't unless they have been through what we have) then you have to just let it go and focus on the reason you are on bedrest, which is REST! You could also try having a friend who does get it, or your partner talk to them for you. Hope this helps a little


Your friend who is getting her feelings hurt needs to chill out. She can call me if she is confused. I might have trouble explaining this to my friends, but I can be blunt with her. THIS IS YOUR LIFE we are talking about.
When they were putting me in the hospital talking about "Don't worry we will deliver before you have a stroke" reality set in. That girl is not worth it. You and your baby are worth so much more.
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Re: Ranting here! This is going to sound crazy

Postby sam10 » Thu Oct 04, 2012 07:45 pm

by sam10 (1441 Posts), Thu Oct 04, 2012 07:45 pm

My experience is that friends and family all want to be helpful, but mostly don't know how. Most people don't come equipped with the knowledge of how to deal with difficult situations and often self-protect and act in self-interest under the disguise of trying to help. They often don't listen and think too often they know the solution and if we only followed their advice all would be good :( If they only listened to us and accepted of how we feel, it could be all so much easier.

I have learned to set boundaries and I have lowered my expectation. It is sometimes easier to deal with my own thoughts/feelings rather than having to console and/or listen to unsolicited advice. If I can't avoid it I just mumble something and say "hmm" and change the subject ;)
~Julija (40)
MC 3/2009 and 3/2011
Henry (1/1/2010-1/7/2010) - forever loved and missed; severe PE with Hellp; partial placental abruption, classical c-section at 25.6 weeks
Matilda (Nov. 2012, born at 35.4 weeks) - severe PE


Our pain has been put into words, placed into empty cradles, to remember that all our babies lived, that they mattered and always will. - Field of Cradles http://www.fieldofcradles.org/
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Re: Ranting here! This is going to sound crazy

Postby marilyn621 » Sun Oct 07, 2012 11:21 pm

by marilyn621 (40 Posts), Sun Oct 07, 2012 11:21 pm

Doesn't sound crazy to me. I couldn't stand even the most well-meaning words of comfort at the end of my last pregnancy. Mostly because my friends and family didn't go through what I went through and they had no idea what I was feeling like. Everyone seemed to think I just had normal pregnancy ailments and was being a big baby about it. It took every ounce of restraint not to rip them a new one.
Scarlett Elizabeth born 12-16-05, 40wks +3, severe PE
Miscarried 11/2011
Rachel Irene born 9-19-12, chronic hypertension and mild PE, induced at 37wks+3,delivered via c-section 37wks+5
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