pregnant and elated and terrified

[amallison]

I am lucky enough to be pregnant, but I am terrified. I'm going to be 39 at the end of November, and never lost the 40 pounds I should have. I'm so happy and yet so scared. I had class 1 HELLP and delivered a beautiful healthy boy at 33w5d. I really wanted to add to my family, went and talked to the necessary doctors, and got the go ahead. I am currently 6 weeks and feeling terrified of losing my life and not being able to see my son grow up. I have feelings of guilt and greed. I don't know how I'm going to make it through the next 8 months. I get so scared and emotional.

What feelings have others gone through during a second pregnancy after HELLP.

I think I need some words and truths fom others who have experienced HELLP and Pre-e.

[sam10]

First of all, congratulations!
A subsequent pregnancy after PE/HELLP is not a pleasure cruise (as I like to call it). It is terrifying and scary, as we have been through the mill and know what can go wrong. It is absolutely normal to feel terrified and anxious. Also, I had fears of dying, especially in the evening, but it has gotten better.
I am currently pregnant and what helped me best was the following:

- I built a strong network of friends and family to help me through this time
- I am seeing a therapist who helps me get through
- My insurance has a great program. I get weekly calls from a case manager who checks in on me (check if this is an option for you)
- I have found great support on the PE forums
- I absolutely trust my doctor and his staff
- I take it day by day. The worst time for me was from week 18 through week 27, since then it gets easier every day.
- I worked very hard trying to enjoy this pregnancy. Sometimes it works

We are here for you, so please keep posting and let us know how it goes. We know how how you are feeling.

[holly3372@msn.com]

Congrats on being pregnant! I understand the feelings of mixed emotions you are going through. I had my baby at 26 weeks last time from severe early on set preeclampsia. Our son lived for 4 months and then died. It has been a long road but here we are pregnant! I am now 24 weeks. It is really just a one day at a time thing. Some days are harder then others. I get scared, I worry. I get on this site post questions, read other posts this helps. Family and friends help. Masages help. Reading, watching movies, swimming , walking. Find things that keep you busy and things that relax you. All these things have helped keep me sane. I also feel respected by MFM . My Ob I had to tell off lol but since then he has really listened to my concerns and requests. I advocate every step of the way for what I feel and need with my docs, even against there wishes. It is not easy for people like us to be pregnant but many have done it. So here I am! You are not alone! By the way, I am 40!!

[amallison]

Thanks for responding. I'm looking forward to reading people's good news. It helps me to see those positive stories. Being busy helps stave off the fears, but often when the nights calm down those ugly thoughts pop up.

Here’s to keeping busy and healthy.

[olivejuice0806]

I had HELLP (not sure of class since they didn't even tell me I had HELLP or what it was until I was out of the hospital) 13 years ago, and delivered a 31 week, 4 lb 2 oz sweet boy, who is now a stinky teenager. I got divorced, lost 70 pounds, got remarried, and had a beautiful baby girl 5 years ago with no real complications. But I didn't lose the baby weight, and added some to it. I am now almost 39 (the middle of november) and 34 weeks pregnant. I was just recently diagnosed with chronic hypertension, but have not had any sign of pre-e or hellp so far. I was so very scared at the beginning of this pregnancy. I had fears of dying and was terrified. My husband is in the ministry, and that leaves me feeling like I need to put up this persona of having it all together, all the time. It also leaves me without many friends that I can confide in. But, I found comfort here in these forums, and from one friend who has been on a similar journey. Find support, and try to enjoy your pregnancy.

[Raposa]

Oh, olivejuice, I understand about the ministry thing. My dad's a minister, and for years we had to deal with the question of how to handle issues in public. It stinks when you don't feel like you can ask for prayers or confide in somebody because you need to be "on" all the time.

Even when you tell others about the issue, you don't have your own pastor to counsel you unless you can find assurance among other ministers and their families. You get stuck on the outside instead of as part of the congregation.

[mom29]

Congratulations!

I didn't have HELLP, but I did have chronic hypertension, diabetes, and was 46 when I had my youngest. I delivered her at 33 weeks due to pre-e. Developed thrombophlebitis the day after we brought her home from nicu (I could barely walk!). I was wondering a bit if I was going to make it!

The thing that helped me the most was being able to post here, talking with my best friend about my concerns, and having a mfm who I could page after office hours. Having a health care provider who answered all my questions, took me seriously, and watched closely for complications in my pregnancy made me feel a lot more secure. I know we can't control the outcome of everything, but having a great doctor overseeing the pregnancy was so helpful. He said more than once "I knew it. I just knew from the sound of your voice when you called that you were developing pre-eclampsia." I didn't think I was developing pre-e yet because I didn't have a lot of symptoms yet, but the high spike in my bp really spooked me and he told me to go straight to L&D.

I had pre-e in my first pregnancy and many other problem free pregnancies after that. The last one was my hardest though I think.