Remembering Lei

[lei.in.the.sky]

Today marks the one year anniversary (day of week/not yet date) since we forcefully welcomed our little Leilani into the world. I have had a tough week remembering every day how I felt monday, tuesday and finally the dreaded wednesday night and the rush to the ER on thursday....only to end the day with the biggest blow in our lives, what felt like the end of life itself.

We always knew our first girl would be named Leilani, from our first few months of dating back in our college days, in the wonderful island of Oahu (Hawai'i). Leilani, so exotic, so beautiful, representative of the paradise island were we met, our idyllic times surrounded by plumeria/frangipani flowers. this was how we saw our Leilani, like the plumeria/frangipani flower. and when she became our heavenly flower (ironically the meaning of the name is sometimes listed as "heavenly flower") the plumeria became our symbol for our lost daughter.

Tonight, almost to the hour we lost her, I went to park my car here at home. Now, as I parked the car, opening the trunk to retrieve my work bag, a sole plumeria flower popped out of the top of the trunk, facing me, seemingly for me. I picked it up, immediately thinking of my Leilani, with such warmth..no sadness, no depressed thoughts...just a smile. it was like she knew to come to me, at this time, this day. and although i am teary right now...i was comforted somehow. Our heavenly flower, we miss you dearly, and we love you always.

Thanks for reading Ladies.

Hugs

[kerisue]

The first anniversary was so difficult. Thank you for sharing the story of how Leilani got her name, a beatiful name you chose just for her. I love the message she sent you with the flower right at that moment and that you got to experience a moment of warmth and joy- it's all too easy to focus on the loss and not the grace of having/loving our babies at all, even if only getting to hold them for a moment.

[holly3372@msn.com]

This brought tears instantly. I remember hearing that one day I would think of my baby and smile. It was hard to believe at the time because I was so very grief stricken . I understand the feelings you decribed.It is 2 years gone by. I now can think of him and smile. Thank you so much for sharing with us , the frangipani is my favorite flower. My cousin brought me a small piece back from Hawaii years ago now. It has grown into a beautiful tree full of fragrant pink flowers. I will think of Leilani from now on when I look at it, which is daily. Much love to you. xo

[MomTimesThree]

Such a beautiful story, filled with love for a beautiful lil' girl. I love that that plumeria found you at that very moment. Clearly not a coincidence. There is a beautiful plumeria tree in our neighborhood and when I pass it I will be sure to think of your sweet lil' Leilani.

-Lauren