Scared

Are you pregnant again after having preeclampsia once already in a previous pregnancy? Post your thoughts/concerns here - there are others who share your feelings. This is also the home of our Bedrest Buddies Support group.

Scared

Postby afaiz » Thu Jan 03, 2013 01:17 pm

Hi ladies,

I have been posting for about a year I had eclampsia & hellp syndrome in my first pregnancy and I had to deliver at 24.5 weeks and my beautiful baby girl didn't make it she was completely healthy but my body failed her :-(. The one year anniversary is coming up in 2 weeks and I'm also pregnant again due early August. I'm excited but mostly scared and nervous. I know I will not be able to recover a second time, I have been seeing my Mfm about every 2-3 weeks so far I'm still very early, but we saw a good strong heartbeat last Friday and everything looked good. I'm terrified though bc my symptoms come and go my breasts were very sore and have stopped hurting so I'm just feeling extra nervous that something must be wrong. I am 8 weeks today so I know I have a very long way to go... And I don't know how I'm going to do it... I have a great dr who is very attentive. I also have a great hepatologist due to ongoing liver issues I had after delivery. Right now I am on

Lovenox once a day
Baby aspirin
Pre-natal
Folic acid
Vitamin D

And being monitored every 2 -3 weeks with labs and ultrasounds. I have been trying to think positive and just pray but it's been so much harder then I thought. I am very very scared... Any advice? I know there are a lot of ladies on here that were able to have healthy pregnancys after loss that gives me hope that it could be me too.

Thanks for listening
afaiz
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Joined: Thu Apr 05, 2012 07:21 pm

Re: Scared

Postby MomTimesThree » Thu Jan 03, 2013 03:16 pm

I'm so sorry for the loss of your lil' girl. Pregnancy after loss is so hard... we've done it twice. You're doing great already having an awesome team in place that you trust and getting monitored frequently (don't be shy to ask for more if it brings you peace). The best advice I got was to take it one day at a time and put yourself first. Do whatever you need to do to get you through each day with the most amount of peaceful moments.

Wishing you the most uneventful pregnancy for your daughter's lil' sib!
Lauren
2008-Our Baby Girl, PTL born too early at 30w6d, Fought so hard... Forever Loved & Missed
2010- Lil' Bro, Pre-E at 29 weeks... Induced at 36w6d, Born 37w
2012- Lil' Sis, Super-imposed pre-e at 25 weeks, PTL & GD at 35 weeks, Evicted 36w
MomTimesThree
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Re: Scared

Postby sam10 » Thu Jan 03, 2013 07:34 pm

Congratulations on your pregnancy! It is so scary to go through another pregnancy after PE and a loss. Just as Lauren said, one day at a time helped me get through my pregnancy with Matilda, as well as a great medical team and friends and family who were very supportive (avoid those friends who are a drain though..). I also kept working throughout my pregnancy until I was put on bedrest. It was a good distraction and I had something to focus on.
We will keep you company here, so let us know how it goes!
~Julija (40)
MC 3/2009 and 3/2011
Henry (1/1/2010-1/7/2010) - forever loved and missed; severe PE with Hellp; partial placental abruption, classical c-section at 25.6 weeks
Matilda (Nov. 2012, born at 35.4 weeks) - severe PE


Our pain has been put into words, placed into empty cradles, to remember that all our babies lived, that they mattered and always will. - Field of Cradles http://www.fieldofcradles.org/
sam10
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Re: Scared

Postby afaiz » Thu Jan 03, 2013 10:54 pm

Hello ladies,

Thanks for the support I need it so badly right now. With the one year anniversary coming up & hearing about other people's happy & healthy pregnancys. I am happy for them but in a way so much sadder for myself that I will NEVER get to experience that excitement and ease. It just seems like a very hard burden to bear for the rest of my life :-(. My sister just seems to think that if I'm pregnant it's ok now but it's not I still miss my first baby and wish every second that she was here with me. I don't even know if I will get to keep this baby :-(. I want to be positive but it's so scary & hard. I feel that no one even acknowledges her bc she was so small or she never came home with us but she was real she was a huge part of my life and always will be I wish everyone could understand that.

I thought that this year would be better but yesterday we had a family member lose there 7 month old baby. He was healthy but it was a drowning accident by the babysitter. Seeing the family and trying to comfort the mother has brought so many emotions back we were preg together and our kids were due only 3 weeks apart but we had our princess too early in January and they had there son on time and enjoyed him for 7 months. I'm feeling so overwhelmed with all the emotions especially it being the so close to the anniversary/birthday of our baby :-(.

I guess I'm just trying to get out my feelings probably need to get an appt with my grief counselor soon.
afaiz
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Posts: 41
Joined: Thu Apr 05, 2012 07:21 pm

Re: Scared

Postby sam10 » Fri Jan 04, 2013 02:55 am

I am glad you are seeing a counselor. It has helped me so much to see my counselor regularly since we lost Henry. Truth be told , I am not sure where I'd be today without her guidance. If it is the right kind of 'tool', counseling can be so valuable in the grieving process.
The loss of another person, pregnancy after a loss, and the anniversary of your loss can trigger so many emotions. It can be hard to deal with them all at once.
I will be thinking of you during this difficult time. Sending you hugs.

PS: Matilda's birth triggered a lot of feelings that I did not expect. I miss Henry as always and more, what I don't miss is having a baby at home; but those are two separate things, which I believe people often mix up. I always explain that difference to those who don't know.
~Julija (40)
MC 3/2009 and 3/2011
Henry (1/1/2010-1/7/2010) - forever loved and missed; severe PE with Hellp; partial placental abruption, classical c-section at 25.6 weeks
Matilda (Nov. 2012, born at 35.4 weeks) - severe PE


Our pain has been put into words, placed into empty cradles, to remember that all our babies lived, that they mattered and always will. - Field of Cradles http://www.fieldofcradles.org/
sam10
Forum Moderator
 
Posts: 1433
Joined: Sat Feb 20, 2010 12:04 am
Location: Boston, MA


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