coming up on almost a year of loss

[wooleybear]

Hi everyone, I haven't been on since September 2012. I got so busy with work and now that I have been having some down time and nearing the 1 year anniversary of loosing Soleil, my sadness has resurfaced. I feel I have been avoiding the thought of her because it hurts so much. I haven't even taken out her pictures or keepsakes from the hospital in very long time. I think I delved headfirst into work and tried to push memories, feelings, pain, and all that grieving on the back burner. It has recently come up again at least once a week, crying for Soleil to come back to me. May is going to be such a hard month, not only is it Mothers day, Pre E awareness month, but the month I lost Soleil. It almost hurts more now then it did when it first happened, because for some reason the thought of being away for so long, lies heavily on me. I know Christmas and Thanksgiving are hard for everyone, but I truly struggled with New Years. It was like I was leaving behind the year that changed my life forever, and that felt like I was letting go of Soleil. I know she will be in my heart and mind forever, but something about it was so hard. And now to think it has been almost a year since, pains me even more.

I am going full force into creating an art show in memory of Soleil in May, and it will help raise money for Pre E awareness. I just hope the memorial art show and strength from family and friends will be enough for me to hold on strong, because it isn't even May yet and these tears are flowing heavier than before.

[MomTimesThree]

I remember as my daughter's first birthday approached sharing many of those same feelings. I also found New Years soooo hard. I hated when the clock struck midnight and it was no longer the same year she was born- like you, it felt like loosing her again just a little farther.

I've found that often the lead up to important events is the most difficult part- and when they finally arrive they are more peaceful than imagined. I hope the same is true for you and that when May comes you'll find your way to navigate through those days. I think creating a memorial art show in her memory is beautiful.

Keeping you in my thoughts,
Lauren

[kerisue]

I can't believe it's almost been a year- I remember when you first posted. I let work consume me and push aside my sadness too. But, the longing for our babies does come to the forefront at times and it probably always will. I just let the tears come if they want to (in private, that is).

I'm planning a fundraiser for Millie's birthday too. Somehow that does make me feel a little bit of comfort- knowing that every little bit helps us get one step closer to prevention and a cure. Good luck with your art show, I think that's a fabulous idea and a wonderful way to raise money and honor Soleil! Will it be you be showing your own art or is it various artists?

[bsherricca]

my heart goes out to you ...i know how you feel i am in the same 1yr anniversary boat .... its hard but we survive ...chin up

[Jackie R]

Sending you and Soliel in heaven lots of love and strength.
The pain and longing never ever goes away. I miss Mia everyday
and I have since had children after Mia. Our love, memories,
and bond with our children will always be eternal regardless
of if they're physically next to us, across the country,
or have made it to heaven before us.

Hopefully, one day when our time comes we will
be forever reunited with our children in a blissful
place where there is no such thing as pain and sorrow.

Until then cherish every memory of love you have
and doing things in your daughter's memory is amazing!!
In the end, that's all we're left with-love and cherished
memories....it's only a matter of time....

Xoxoxo <3