Hi everyone, I haven't been on since September 2012. I got so busy with work and now that I have been having some down time and nearing the 1 year anniversary of loosing Soleil, my sadness has resurfaced. I feel I have been avoiding the thought of her because it hurts so much. I haven't even taken out her pictures or keepsakes from the hospital in very long time. I think I delved headfirst into work and tried to push memories, feelings, pain, and all that grieving on the back burner. It has recently come up again at least once a week, crying for Soleil to come back to me. May is going to be such a hard month, not only is it Mothers day, Pre E awareness month, but the month I lost Soleil. It almost hurts more now then it did when it first happened, because for some reason the thought of being away for so long, lies heavily on me. I know Christmas and Thanksgiving are hard for everyone, but I truly struggled with New Years. It was like I was leaving behind the year that changed my life forever, and that felt like I was letting go of Soleil. I know she will be in my heart and mind forever, but something about it was so hard. And now to think it has been almost a year since, pains me even more.
I am going full force into creating an art show in memory of Soleil in May, and it will help raise money for Pre E awareness. I just hope the memorial art show and strength from family and friends will be enough for me to hold on strong, because it isn't even May yet and these tears are flowing heavier than before.