I'm so sorry that you weren't able to keep baby Jackson. Preeclampsia is the worst disease that leaves such devastation in its wake. The course of my illness was very rapid like yours and about the same time of pregnancy. The due date is so, so hard- even if we thought we were doing pretty well in our grief I think our babies' due date kicks most of us in the teeth again. I don't know about you but that date was the first thing I figured when I found out I was pregnant. I thought about it long before anyone else knew I was pregnant. It seemed so far away. And now, for you, it's here- when all your dreams for yourself and baby Jackson should have been coming true. On Monday maybe you can just give yourself permission to feel whatever you want to feel- get out bed, not get out of bed, whatever, just don't expect that you must "cope" that day of all days. As for medication- I did start on some eventually, but not until about 3 mos after my baby passed away. Like you I didn't want anything to be masked. I had to return to work though and I think it did help me cope with the pressure of going back to work and all the other pregnant ladies in my office. Do what feels right to you (although, I know, sometimes nothing feels right at all, because nothing brings Jackson back). I'll light a candle for Jackson on Monday.
Mama to Millie
born June 2010 @ 24 wks. gestation due to my severe PE and CHF
lived 25 days, loved and missed