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Due Date

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Due Date

Postby whitann06 » Thu Mar 28, 2013 05:18 pm

by whitann06 (8 Posts), Thu Mar 28, 2013 05:18 pm

I lost my baby Jackson in December. I found out I was developing preeclampsia at my 6 month checkup; the doctor sent me home to start a 24 hour urine test, and by that afternoon i had lost the baby. We are coming up on his due date next Monday, and it is so hard to deal with knowing that he should have been coming into the world a healthy little baby in the next few days, and instead is just gone. I started seeing a counselor this week, and they are putting me on medication for PTSD. I am not sure how I feel about that, I don't want to just mask my grief but at the same time I know I am not dealing well and have no motivation for work or anything else right now, and I am not sure if my lack of coping is because it is near his due date and I have been anticipating this day or because I really am just not dealing as well as I though I was for the past couple of months. I just don't know what to do or to feel anymore.
For baby Jackson, born an angel 12/11/12
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Re: Due Date

Postby kerisue » Thu Mar 28, 2013 08:24 pm

by kerisue (623 Posts), Thu Mar 28, 2013 08:24 pm

I'm so sorry that you weren't able to keep baby Jackson. Preeclampsia is the worst disease that leaves such devastation in its wake. The course of my illness was very rapid like yours and about the same time of pregnancy. The due date is so, so hard- even if we thought we were doing pretty well in our grief I think our babies' due date kicks most of us in the teeth again. I don't know about you but that date was the first thing I figured when I found out I was pregnant. I thought about it long before anyone else knew I was pregnant. It seemed so far away. And now, for you, it's here- when all your dreams for yourself and baby Jackson should have been coming true. On Monday maybe you can just give yourself permission to feel whatever you want to feel- get out bed, not get out of bed, whatever, just don't expect that you must "cope" that day of all days. As for medication- I did start on some eventually, but not until about 3 mos after my baby passed away. Like you I didn't want anything to be masked. I had to return to work though and I think it did help me cope with the pressure of going back to work and all the other pregnant ladies in my office. Do what feels right to you (although, I know, sometimes nothing feels right at all, because nothing brings Jackson back). I'll light a candle for Jackson on Monday.
Mama to Millie
born June 2010 @ 24 wks. gestation due to my severe PE and CHF
lived 25 days, loved and missed
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Re: Due Date

Postby whitann06 » Fri Mar 29, 2013 12:30 am

by whitann06 (8 Posts), Fri Mar 29, 2013 12:30 am

Thank you. I feel so alone most of the time in feeling like this, it is nice to know I'm not the only one struggling with these issues.
For baby Jackson, born an angel 12/11/12
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Re: Due Date

Postby iralu1 » Mon May 06, 2013 04:50 pm

by iralu1 (14 Posts), Mon May 06, 2013 04:50 pm

I am very sorry for your loss and my heart breaks with you. I lost my little girl on 4/3/13 and her due date is coming up too (6/16/13). For the first 3 weeks I cried every day and even now I cry often because since I miss her so much. I'm sure I also had some symptoms of PTSD. This type of situation is so hard to deal with no matter how strong a person is on the inside. Be understanding with yourself and grieve as much as you need to for however long you need. My husband and I both took 3 weeks off for bereavement and it helped a lot but was still really difficult. A supportive workplace is also very important and we're luck we both had that.

While I was pregnant I signed up on the What To Expect When You're Expecting website and they send me email updates of how the pregnancy is progressing week by week. It made me very sad to see these emails after my baby passed away. I finally cancelled the email subscription but once in a while some emails still come through. I also get sales notices from Gap Maternity and Old Navy. They track your purchase history and send "customized" deals. It's always a painful reminder of what could have been and the innocence we have lost. Please know that you are not alone. Many women have travelled the path we are on. I know that doesn't make it hurt any less but there are women out there who understand.

Be strong and safe! <3
Mom to little angel Nia, born at 27 weeks on 3/17/13 due to severe PE, 1 lb 13 oz, 13 3/4 inches. Passed in NICU due to infection after 17 days. Loved and cherished forever.
Waiting to conceive again.
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