4 weeks pregnant after losing son 6 mo ago...help!

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4 weeks pregnant after losing son 6 mo ago...help!

Postby lzabroski » Wed Jul 03, 2013 08:07 pm

Where do I begin? Lets see..gave birth to my son 6mo ago at 24 weeks due to severe preeclampsia/HELLP syndrome. After he passed away I was so desperate to figure out happened. In my desperation in participated in a research study for preeclampsia and visited an additional specialist to discuss my options. After 6 mo of recovering, lots of grief counseling, getting my health back on track, I was advised that we could start trying again.

I got the best bday present on Monday when I had a positive pregnancy test! I immediately made an appointment to see my OB that delivered Bohden and that helped me through postpartum. I was so excited to see everyone in the doc office yesterday but to my dismay the doctors were anything but happy, positive or supportive of me :cry: The same doctor that sat with me in my hospital bed 6 mo ago, looked disappointed that I was newly pregnant because I didn't wait the amount of time they told me to get pregnant. I was told to that I needed to grieve and heal from the preeclampsia and visit the specialist..I did all that and both specialist said I would be ok to conceive again. She walked in the room and said "we can't have you as our patient because I'm too high risk. I didn't understand why I went against their word to wait a year and got pregnant. She never said congrats, we're happy for you or display any happiness for me. I lost it in there and started to cry the hardest I have cried since my son died. Her biggest concern wasn't the PE! She's worried about my csection, which was never a concern when I saw them 6mo ago!!! They never said it would be a problem. She terrified me about how my uterus scar could rip open and kill the baby and me. I understand that she wants me to be in the best hands with a specialist but her approach was horrible and she just kept going when she saw how upset I was. I just couldn't believe how upset and stressed out she made me when I am pregnant!!!! She realized that I DID NOT have a vertical csection and that they never discussed a uterine abrupt ion. I have been clinging to every word they said for the past 6mo and that I would have never got pregnant so soon if I was told this would be a risk!!

How am I going to get through this pregnancy? The one person I needed support from didn't give it to me or show any optimism whatsoever. Now I can't sleep, my anxiety is through the roof, and I am having dizzy spells and shortness of breath. Any advise, encouraging stories or positivity would be greatly appreciated. I am a wreck and all because of my doctor
Delivered Bohden 12/29/12 at 24 weeks with Severe preeclampsia/HELLP. He passed away 12/30/12
Pregnant with subsequent child, due March 2014
(Baby aspirin, lebatolol, prenatal)
www.BohdensHands.org
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Re: 4 weeks pregnant after losing son 6 mo ago...help!

Postby sarahkm » Wed Jul 03, 2013 09:25 pm

The part of your story that bugs me the most is the fact that they won't keep you as a patient because you are too high risk. Sounds like it is a good idea to find another OB. Maybe the specialists can recommend an OB that is ok with high risk patients?
Is your health back to normal?? As you can see in my signature, we lost our son almost 7 years ago at 37 weeks and I went into acute kidney failure. Now I'm due again in 6 weeks and have a ton of support. I had to wait until my kidneys were recovered enough before even thinking about getting pregnant again. That said, I wish we started trying again earlier....maybe 4 years ago, especially due to my age. But we are at a good place now. Everybody grieves differently and I found that I needed at least a year for most of it. I think there are those who are surprised that I went through it rather quickly. What I was mostly grieving is that I couldn't get pregnant again due to my poor kidney function. We went through a very frustrating and disappointing 4 years trying to adopt before deciding to try again.
Anyway, I'm sorry you had to get that attitude from your OB. You need to find a different OB. No doctor should be that critical especially since you have gone to specialists that told you that you could get pregnant again. Did the specialists tell you to wait a few more months?
Sarah
Sarah (41)
Mother to Nathanael James born still 12/31/2006 at 38 weeks. Class I HELLP sydrome, placental abruption, acute kidney failure.
Miscarriage 12/2011
Expecting again-due date August 16, 2013 (Folic Acid, LDA, Prenatal vitamins, BP meds, Vitamin D, Slow release Iron)
Elias Nathanael born healthy 07/28/2013 at 37 weeks 2 days, 5#11oz. No signs of HELLP or preeclampsia! Tear noticed in placenta after delivery.
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Re: 4 weeks pregnant after losing son 6 mo ago...help!

Postby sam10 » Wed Jul 03, 2013 09:47 pm

First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy :D Being pregnant after having experienced PE and losing your precious baby because of it is never easy and for most of us a very scary journey.When your support team (friends, relatives, and most importantly your doctors and nurses) fails to support you, it must feel even scarier.
First of all, I would try to make an appointment with your high-risk doctor as soon as possible, so you can discuss all the "risk" factors that your regular OB was talking about. Any women who had PE in a previous pregnancy is considered high-risk, so this is nothing unusual. A previous c-section always puts you at higher risk for rupture, but it depends on many factors how likely this is depending on your personal circumstances. I would also discuss this with the high-risk doctor.
I'd say that most high-risk OBs are usually more relaxed about possible complications, as they deal with it on a daily basis. For that reason, some regular OBs do not see high-risk patients, some offer tandem care with a high-risk OB and some high-risk OB do it all by themselves. I chose the last option, as I felt most comfortable seeing a specialist who had years of experience with high-risk pregnant ladies. Perhaps this is an option for you? I just wish your doctor would have communicated in a more sensitive way. :(

No fun to feel left alone and not supported by your doctor. Let us know how it goes, we are here and understand. Sending you hugs.
~Julija (40)
MC 3/2009 and 3/2011
Henry (1/1/2010-1/7/2010) - forever loved and missed; severe PE with Hellp; partial placental abruption, classical c-section at 25.6 weeks
Matilda (Nov. 2012, born at 35.4 weeks) - severe PE


Our pain has been put into words, placed into empty cradles, to remember that all our babies lived, that they mattered and always will. - Field of Cradles http://www.fieldofcradles.org/
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Re: 4 weeks pregnant after losing son 6 mo ago...help!

Postby angieb » Wed Jul 03, 2013 10:54 pm

Definitely find a new doctor!

Are you positive the incision on your uterus isn't vertical? I haven't heard of anyone being able to have a regular incision that early but hopefully you are an exception. (The scar on your skin could be a regular horizontal scar while there may be a vertical incision on your uterus, what you see on your body isn't necessarily the same incision direction as inside.) In any case, after I had a vertical/"classical" incision at 23 wks, my OB told me to wait 3 months, my high risk doctor said wait 6 months, some other doctors I have seen posts about here tell women to wait as long as a year after a vertical incision. So the general average range is 3 months- a year. Not much you can do about it now in any case, so I would try not to worry about it too much. If you did have a regular low transverse horizontal incision on your uterus, then waiting 6 months should definitely be okay, I would think. If you did have a vertical incision, that does automatically make you higher risk no matter how long you wait in between pregnancies. They should not allow you to go into labor and generally will deliver around 36-37 wks.

Anyway, we started trying again before the 6 month mark but it took almost a year for me to get pregnant again. In hindsight, the extra time did help me emotionally, that first year is really rough and another pregnancy is really really really rough after a loss. But I've gone on to have two healthy boys with relatively uneventful pregnancies and my doctors were happy enough with how they went and how my uterus looks that they have given me the okay to have another baby if we decide that's what we want to do, which would be my 4th c-section.

Just take it one day at a time and try not to worry about all the things that "might happen" weeks and weeks from now. And find some good doctors, especially a specialist, ideally a specialist that you love who will deliver you and then you don't have to mess with finding an OB. (I did see my OB and a specialist but my OB was awesome and worked well with the specialist.)
Me (29) DH (30)
#1-Olivia Caetlyn-9-28-09-9-28-09, 23+2 wks, emergency classic c-section, class I HELLP, IUGR
#2- Lucas Oliver (rainbow baby)- April 2011, 36+2 wks, HELLP and pre-e free! (lovenox and LDA pregnancy)
#3-Matthew, late October 2012...mostly normal, 37 wks, (lovenox and LDA again)
My blog: http://www.butterflies-and-rainbows.blogspot.com/
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Re: 4 weeks pregnant after losing son 6 mo ago...help!

Postby whitann06 » Wed Jul 10, 2013 09:09 am

I think I am right there with you.... Lost my baby boy in December at 24 weeks due to severe preeclampsia. We were told that we could start trying after 2 months, but decided not to because I am in the last semester of my graduate studies, and need to be looking for a job starting in January. I went on the pill, but am 2 days late today, so feeling very very anxious and nervous about the possibility of being pregnant while finishing school, applying for jobs, and the very real possibility of being on bed rest for the entire pregnancy and not being able to get any of that done, not to mention the fear of loosing another child or developing preeclampsia again. Stay strong, and we will all get through this.
For baby Jackson, born an angel 12/11/12
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Re: 4 weeks pregnant after losing son 6 mo ago...help!

Postby princess purr » Wed Jul 10, 2013 08:18 pm

First of all congrats. I second double checking to make sure your incision isn't vertical. My outside cut is across, but my inside cut is up and down. I was told to wait at least 6 months, so I think you are still okay time wise. Can you see an mfm/peri? I don't understand why your obgyn doesn't want to handle your case. I'm seeing my normal obgyn but because I am high risk they are also having me see am MFM/peri and the two of them are working together.
Try to take a deep breath and calm down, pregnancy hormones are going to make you extra emotional. It has been almost 9 years for me and I am still a nervous wreck.
Val (34) & Carlos (32)
Married: April 29th 2011
Veronica Rosina, 11/25/2004-11/27/2004
Born at 26.5 weeks (1 lb 4oz, 14 inches) because of severe preeclampsia (doc says I was on my way to HELLP but not there yet)
Nicholas Robert, 11/22/2013 7 lb 7oz 19.5 inches, born at 36 weeks (due to previous classical c-section) PE FREE!!!!!!
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