Grieving, I am sad everday

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support

Grieving, I am sad everday

Postby rbea » Sun Jul 07, 2013 01:49 pm

My first pregnancy. My daughters name is Arielle Scarlet, and she was taken from me June 11, 2013.
Early May. I cannot say when I was developing a rash on my neck, that itched me so much, I was waking in my sleep. I called my OBGYN and was told to take an anti histamine. May 20th, I saw my feet swell and my face begin to become cherub like. This continued, and I thought that was to be expected with pregnancy. I called my OBGYN, and she asked if I had eaten anything unusual, it might be tomato or strawberry giving me allergies. I've eaten those things my whole life.
May 26th my back was on fire. Every time I tried to position myself differently, shower, took pain meds, it didn't help. I was crying. I was starting to get very worried, I had a thought that Arielle might be affected by this. I fell asleep, and just thought I was being too worrisome. Now thinking back I should have gone to the doctor.
So there was itching, swelling of my face and feet, back pain. I thought, heat rash, I thought allergies, or pregnancy weight finally showing, back pain I thought because maybe she was sleeping on a nerve?
The pain worsened, it was now in my ribs. When my back hurt and ribs at the same time, I would cry and cry. I was having headaches the whole pregnancy, I didn't think these headaches were any different. But this headache didn't go away.
I was living with all of these symptoms till June 10th. At work my vision was filled with large bright spots in front of my eyes. My back and ribs were at it again. I started googling. And here there were all the symptoms. I told my fiance, I have to get to the hospital. My urine had protein. Within hours, my bloodpressure climbed dangerously. I was put on Magnesium, I was at risk for seizure. Doctors telling me we will have to induce labor. I was given the steroid. But my liver was swelling, my lungs were filling with fluid, and my kidneys were failing. My platelets were low, I needed blood product. They turned the monitor off so I couldn't hear her heartbeat anymore.Labor was induced late at night, my daughter came early morning, as much as I wanted to keeper her in this world.
It all happened so fast, I had severe pre-eclampsia and HELLP. She was 23 weeks. About 5 months and a little more. My baby is with God. I want her back so much.
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Re: Grieving, I am sad everday

Postby MomTimesThree » Mon Jul 08, 2013 12:42 am

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your little Arielle- such a a beautiful name. My heart aches for you knowing the excruciating pain in those first weeks and months- and the ache that lasts a lifetime. I think many of us that have lost children found support from other parents and therapists, especially to make it through the first year. Lean when you need.

Keeping you in my thoughts,
Lauren
2008-Our Baby Girl, PTL born too early at 30w6d, Fought so hard... Forever Loved & Missed
2010- Lil' Bro, Pre-E at 29 weeks... Induced at 36w6d, Born 37w
2012- Lil' Sis, Super-imposed pre-e at 25 weeks, PTL & GD at 35 weeks, Evicted 36w
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Re: Grieving, I am sad everday

Postby rbea » Tue Jul 09, 2013 10:34 am

Thank you. I've always been reserved with expressing myself to others, and to my only support right now, my family. I am continuing like I am not depressed. There is so much happening in succession.
But I know either way, life goes on.
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Re: Grieving, I am sad everday

Postby iralu1 » Wed Jul 10, 2013 02:32 am

I am so sorry for your loss. Words cannot express the heart wrenching pain of losing a child. I know it must seem like there is no light at the end of the tunnel right now. Maybe you can find some comfort in knowing that many other women here have walked the same path and you are not alone. It does get easier with time and I hope you allow yourself to feel all the emotions that show up. It's OK even if what you're feeling doesn't seem to make any sense. Be gentle, kind and accepting with yourself. There is no right or wrong way to feel and express grief.

I'm glad to hear you have the support of your family. Having that support definitely helps the healing process. :)
Mom to little angel Nia, born at 27 weeks on 3/17/13 due to severe PE, 1 lb 13 oz, 13 3/4 inches. Passed in NICU due to infection after 17 days. Loved and cherished forever.
Waiting to conceive again.
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Re: Grieving, I am sad everday

Postby Pearlasmum » Sat Jul 13, 2013 09:40 am

Really sorry to hear about your recent loss. Preeclampsia is so swift and brutal that it leaves one traumatized on many levels both physically and emotionally. Your being on this site is actually quite positive because sharing your experiences and reading about the experiences of other families is crucial to starting to heal and realizing that one is not alone. I lost my daughter in April this year and I miss her and wish she were here. Keep holding on and do allow yourself to grieve because as someone recently told me "if we don't allow ourselves to grieve, the grief will wait for us." May God bless and keep you.

Pearla's mum
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Re: Grieving, I am sad everday

Postby rbea » Sat Jul 20, 2013 09:26 am

Thank you all, there is more comfort for me from those who know what it feels like. That is very true.
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Re: Grieving, I am sad everday

Postby BFRENCH » Tue Jul 30, 2013 10:38 am

I lost my son Gabe at 23 weeks also in November. E-mail me if you would like to talk. It's really hard at first to talk about things....but the more you do the easier it gets. Anyway... it might help us both to talk.

bfrench09@gmail.com

Brittney
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