by rbea (10 Posts), Mon Jul 22, 2013 02:14 pm
Whereowhere, I am rooting for you!
Angie, I'm so happy for you and your expanding family.
Did the Doctor's advise either of you to not have another pregnancy, or give you a long wait time?
Lately I've been feeling like an empty vessel, I was so anxious for my daughter to come into this world.
I wanted to know if I can look forward to that same kind of happiness.
Thank you very much!
I'm still in so much grief that only women here will understand. Although I know that I am not alone losing a child, and grief will linger but dull as time will allow, a disease like this is hard to wrap around my brain. People who haven't had pre-e don't know how much of a guilt trip, frustrating, angry experience it can be. It's the thought of preeclampsia involving my body working against me, the fact that a baby with a beating heart is impossible to save without maternal death, the fact that there is no way to prevent it. It is like poison to my mind!
I always think now about how many weeks I would be, and how if I could have held on longer she could have been here in my presence, and able to see me like I've seen her, and felt her.
And sometimes I feel that maybe motherhood was never meant for me, maybe there is some underlying cause I'm not seeing, that God is trying to work his ways in something I am too small to understand, and be grateful he made it so. Makes me mad.
And I've had people who I hadn't even asked for advice tell me really dumb things. Even though I know they mean well, they say things like
"Don't worry you'll get pregnant again"
"God will come through for you, and you will have a child."
"Once you become spiritually whole, more connected to your husband then you are ready for a full grown baby."
Um, I'm not concerned right now with becoming pregnant, I mourn for Arielle (my daughter.)
Why are you giving me the connotation that God is testing my effectiveness of being a good person or whatever?
I'm not very religious like some of these well meaning people, but I know I took care of myself, I treat others well, I go to work. I do whatever I can.
I just vented right now.