by ashleyhae (17 Posts), Sun Sep 22, 2013 06:56 pm
My Ken and I lost our baby girl Malia just over 6 months ago. As hard as it is to attempt pregnancy again, we are. I'm a basket of mixed emotions, but am in some way comforted by the thought that this is what I'm meant to do. We have passed ovulation now and the wait for AF or a BFP begins. I know that pregnancy will be terrifying but I hope for it to come sooner than later. Anything to bring the end nearer, if that makes sense. I've spent the last 4 months getting as healthy as possible (healthier than I've ever been) although I know that probably won't affect my chances of getting pre-e again. I just felt that I had to do anything in my control to help. Now my goal is to not obsess over getting pregnant as I know that will more likely than not negatively affect my chances. I never thought my life would be like this, never knew how difficult and heartbreaking having a family would be. Not a day or hour passes that I don't think about Malia and I miss her so much. I know it will be difficult for others to understand why we are trying again. And NO we are not trying to replace her, that isn't possible. The hurt of losing a child won't ease with another child I know that. Anyway....I'm rambling, I'm just very nervous and excited and scared.
Mommy to Malia born March 15, 2013 at 29 weeks due to severe preeclampsia.
She spent 2 precious days with us that we will forever cherish.
Baby #2 due 6/16/14