Well, baby looks great. He jumped to the 64th percentile for weight estimate. 7 lbs, 5 oz at 37+2, so that's great news!
Of course, as predicted, my BP was only 122/82. Trace protein in spot check. No real progress in dilation. So, no induction. She didn't care about my higher pressures at home. Didn't even ask if they'd been high, so I had to bring it up myself. She told me that I should just rest more. No labs, no repeat 24 hr urine. Just an appointment for next Friday. Then she tried to make a joke about how I should just go into labor instead of making her make a decision about inducing me. Ummm... not funny. AT. ALL.
I know I should be happy. This is good. I've been extremely stable for 5 whole weeks now. Baby looks good. I'm not having any serious symptoms. The visual stuff has mostly gone away, and that can happen outside of pre-e. Maybe I just don't even have pre-e at all. Maybe I always spill urine, and just don't know because I've only been tested in pregnancy. Maybe it really isn't a big deal for my BP to spike to >160/100 twice a week since it's going right back down. Maybe I never even had pre-e with my son two years ago and I just got induced because of a stomach bug, elevated bp due to throwing up, and protein in my urine from something else. I don't know. This whole ordeal has made me question my own judgement. I honestly just feel stupid and defeated, like that little voice in the back of my head that's supposed to tell you when something is wrong can't be trusted anymore. I have been crying off and on since she left the room to let me get dressed this morning.
I took off work much earlier than I'd planned, had to explain to my bosses and coworkers why, and then had to ask to come back to avoid using up all of my FMLA.... I never would have done that had she not told me that she was going to induce at 37 weeks. Now I feel like everyone is going to think I'm an idiot or just an attention-seeker when I'm still sitting around pregnant on my due date. Everyone has spent the last 3 days asking why I'm there and not in bed. I am embarrassed.
And I'm worried that it IS a big deal that my bp is spiking to >160/100 twice a week, and it IS a big deal that I'm spilling protein, and I'll end up with complications by the time labor naturally comes along. I'm afraid that she would literally let me or my baby die while she found every reason to not take me seriously.
I've already decided that I'm not going to my appointment next Friday. I will reschedule it for the next Wednesday when I hit 39 weeks. I'd honestly love to just wait until I have a problem or go into labor to see her, and only then in L&D. Because honestly, what's the point? It's not like I'm one of those women who is going to say, "Wow, I'm so glad they caught my high bp at my appointment. It had been just fine, and I never would have known!" We already know that I'm spilling protein. My GBS test was negative. If I get a UTI, it's not like it would be bringing on pre-term labor. I was letting her check my cervix because she wanted to see how favorable it was for induction, but have decided to refuse all cervical checks until I'm in labor now, because I really don't see a reason for them. She has only checked my fundal height 1 time over the course of 2 pregnancies. She's not doing labs. I can't think of anything else that they check for that could only be caught at one of these appointments. Aside from the possibility that I'll need to be induced for going way overdue, I can't think of anything I'd actually need a routine appointment with this woman for. Maybe that's crazy, and I'd never just skip out on my prenatal care completely, but that's how I feel right now.