PreE and HELLP Survivor

[christina89]

I started having blood pressure issues at 19 weeks and was put on medication and then hospitalized off and on for 4 weeks, Out of those 4 weeks I was home maybe 3 days. I was rushed to a larger city and told I had PE and HELLP. I had no knowlege of this sickness at all nor did I understand how bad it actually is. I was 23 and a half weeks and I was told that I was going to have to deliver my baby boy as my liver and kidneys were just two days they expected away from failing me. I don't think I have ever been so broken in my life I have always wanted children. Any ways I was in labor for 7 and a half hours and I gave birth to my Son. We named him Zac Phillip Alphones Ducharme. He was only with us for a little while. Its been two weeks and the pain is still unbarable, I feel I failed, I feel empty and alone. We got him cremated and have him right beside our bed. I know time will heal but I'm struggling. I returned to work 4 days ago and I think maybe it was to soon. I am still dealing with the side effects. My blood pressure is starting to get better slowly I am coming off some medication. But Im having so much trouble at work. I have a job I used to live for but know I cant stand it. I am having troubles with people randomly coming up to me and saying " Oh congrats I heard you had a boy " or " Oh Congrats looks like you had your baby, What did you have? " I don't know what to do, I want to live life and be almost normal and go camping and go out but I can't because I get tired and im scared I am going to raise my blood pressure up again to a scary number, or that im going to get epigastric pains again. Can someone please help me a little I don't even really understand what im saying sorry I hope you guys do.

Christina

[sonja]

Oh Christina - I am so sorry for your loss.

Nothing about what you have gone through is fair!

Sadly there are many other moms on these forums that have had a loss and can understand your pain. You will find lots of support here - you may want to check out our grief and loss forum. I hope that knowing that you are not alone will help one little bit.

About the work situation - I once read on here about someone who sent out an e-mail to everyone that they worked with about what had happened and whether they did or didn't want to talk about it, this might be something that you consider so you don't have to keep answering the same hard questions.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss. Please feel free to come here for support or any questions that we might be able to help you with in the future.

[sam10]

Hi Christina,

I am so very sorry for your loss! I so very much understand how you feel, I felt the same way. Even though the pain has subsided some, it is still hard at times and it still hurts. After a while I started to learn to live with the pain, my situation, but often I still find myself in a dark place. I still suffer from panic attacks as a consequence from PE. It is just such a terrible disease.

Shortly after Henry passed, I've started therapy and it is something that works for me.

Thinking of you and your husband. (HUGS)

[l412angel]

I am so sorry for your loss. I have felt like the Baby Loss Momma blog world has helped me a ton! Just a place where everyone understands. The link to my blog is below. Its never easy, but know that there are people who understand exactly how you feel. (((HUGS)))

[christina89]

How long did you guys have blood pressure problems afterwards. Im still on Adalat twice in the morning and Labtalol 4 times a day and my blood pressure is sitting around 135/ 90 somtimes 95. and did any of you have heart burn troubles that felt like it would turn into epigastric, but didnt.

[sam10]

I was taken off my BP meds 3 weeks pp. My BP spiked a few times shortly after, but then it got back to my normal range (120s/70s). It is different though for different people.

[brianned5]

I'm so sorry for your loss. My firstborn was delivered at 25 weeks, in July 2008, and she died 10 days later. My blood pressure is still terrible and totally out of control.

[trish9]

Hi Christina, I am so sorry for your loss. I've had many of the same feelings that you are having and I now how hard it is. There is nothing fair at all about this horrible condition. I dreaded going back to work too and answering all of the questions. My pregnant coworkers avoided me like the plague which was probably just as well since it was painful to see them. Just know that day to day it does start to get a little bit better. Hope your blood pressures are getting better, I have heard that it can take up to 6 months for the pre-e changes in the body to go back to baseline. I still am on BP meds due to an underlying kidney disease, but fortunately am well controlled around 100/70. Please take of yourself and come to the forums - everyone here has been through it and understands