Help.

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support

Help.

Postby cj7suthrnbelle » Thu Dec 04, 2003 12:30 am

I am new here. I lost my baby girl at 38 wks yesterday morning at 2:23 a.m. to Pre-eclampsia for a 3rd time.I have a 4 y.o. (26 weeks) and a 2 y.o. (36 weeks). Both are healthy now, but I don't even want to look at them right now. It's a constant reminder that Ashton should be here with them. I have never felt so hopeless in all my life. I can't eat. I can't sleep, but yet all I want to do is sleep the rest of my life away. I have her lifeless body etched forever in my mind. Tomorrow I will be able to hold her one last time at the viewing. I don't think I can give her back to watch her be put into the ground. Billions of things are runing through my mind. Is she cold? Is she afraid? I realize these are ridiculous thoughts, but I can't get rid of them. Help?
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Re : Help.

Postby sherry fisher » Thu Dec 04, 2003 01:06 pm

How do you find the words to say to a mom who has lost her baby? I can't tell you anything other than what you have already heard. Of course I am soooo sorry to hear of your loss. I have tears streaming down my face for you and your baby girl! It is going to take time and lots of support. You have come to the right place for that! Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. God will keep Ashton (beautiful name!!) warm in his hands...this I know! She will never be cold or lonely sweetie! Please keep us posted. Take it easy and hug your boys...it may make you feel unbelievably better!

GOD BLESS!



Sherry Fisher (28)
DH: Bill (35)
Proud Mama to:
#1) Alex 1/1/94-PE
#2) Abbie 12/17/97-PIH
#3 Will 08/03/02-PP PE
#4) EDD: 4/27/04
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/b/babyfish3/
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Re : Help.

Postby annegarrett » Thu Dec 04, 2003 02:52 pm

Dear Rebecca,

I run the Preeclampsia Foundation and I saw your post. I am so so sorry. What a terrible loss for all of you and it must be unbelievably hard. I lost my mother (who was my best friend) about a month ago and I have no idea how I got through it. I know it is not the same thing as a baby--but I miss her every day and think of her constantly. My mind is a constant--what if--what if--and I know that does no one any good but I am allowing myself to be okay with that. I found great strength from the women here. I still do. Check in every day and know we are here for you. So many women here, too many, know exactly what you are feeling--they have lost their babies as well and their hopes and dreams. I can't say it will get better but people will surprise you and help carry you. We will do everything we can. Thank you for letting us know what you all are struggling with.

Take care and write or call anytime.

Our number at the office is 1-800-665-9341 and I am happy to talk to you--or anyone who just needs an ear. We will be thinking of you tomorrow. My email is anne@preeclampsia.org



Anne Garrett
Executive Director
Preeclampsia Foundation
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Re : Help.

Postby annegarrett » Thu Dec 04, 2003 02:56 pm

Dear Rebecca,

I run the Preeclampsia Foundation and I saw your post. I am so so sorry. What a terrible loss for all of you and it must be unbelievably hard. I lost my mother (who was my best friend) about a month ago and I have no idea how I got through it. I know it is not the same thing as a baby--but I miss her every day and think of her constantly. My mind is a constant--what if--what if--and I know that does no one any good but I am allowing myself to be okay with that. I found great strength from the women here. I still do. Check in every day and know we are here for you. So many women here, too many, know exactly what you are feeling--they have lost their babies as well and their hopes and dreams. I can't say it will get better but people will surprise you and help carry you. We will do everything we can. Thank you for letting us know what you all are struggling with.

Take care and write or call anytime.

Our number at the office is 1-800-665-9341 and I am happy to talk to you--or anyone who just needs an ear. We will be thinking of you tomorrow. My email is anne@preeclampsia.org



Anne Garrett
Executive Director
Preeclampsia Foundation
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Re : Help.

Postby kim » Thu Dec 04, 2003 03:08 pm

There aren't even words. I am so sorry for the loss of you angel. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.


Kim Schwintz
Texas Chapter President

Ainsley Kathryn 11/26/02-36 Weeks Preeclampsia
http://home.austin.rr.com/schwintz
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Re : Help.

Postby lisac » Thu Dec 04, 2003 03:11 pm

Hi there,
This is such a huge loss. None of the thoughts you are having are abnormal. I felt the same way when I lost my baby girl too. For a while there will just be raw grief, and it's an absolutely miserable feeling to endure. Do you have somebody around to help you with the other children? Maybe you need some time to be alone and stay in bed if that's what you feel like. (I hope your blood pressure is being controlled.) You have come to the right place. Many of us have had losses or traumatic experiences w/PE. We are here for you.

You and your little angel Ashton, are in my thoughts.
Lisa

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Re : Help.

Postby julie f » Thu Dec 04, 2003 05:22 pm

I am so very sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Your thoughts are not ridiculous, this is the most horrible thing and you will find that your thoughts and worries change from one second to the next. I still have trouble sleeping but some days are getting easier than others.

There are no words to lessen your pain, I know. But please, please know that many many women are here to support you.

Julie
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26 weeks due to severe pe
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Re : Help.

Postby angelkat » Thu Dec 04, 2003 07:16 pm

I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my prayers for comfort and strength to get thru the next few days. Hold your baby as long as you want. Take many many pictures as it is always a treasure to have them later on when your ready to look at them.

May you feel your angel on your shoulder helping you get thru the hard times...

Hugs
~T

Mommy to
Drew(12)
Ky (10)
and our Angel Katlyne(12/9/02-04/02/03) forever in our hearts and thoughts
http://www.forevernetwork.com/Archive/lifestory.cfm?Archive_ID=10971&Directory=%2FArchives%2FMountHope&CFID=1089289&CFTOKEN=79068509
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Re : Help.

Postby michal » Fri Dec 05, 2003 02:15 am

I would like to tell you how sad I am that another woman has lost her baby due to the ravages of preeclampsia .
I also lost my baby daughter ,Dina a month ago . She was born ar 25w4d and only lived for 5 days .
Initially I was numb with shock and did not quite internalize what happened until a week later when I came home and then the sadness started , being at home without my newborn baby .
I spent alot of time sleeping in the first couple of weeks , and in between that crying . It feels like you are in this deep abyss and you just cannot get out .
I knew that I had to carry on for my five year old daughter's sake .
We speak a lot about our baby Dina who we lost . She is the most comfortable out of all my family and friends to talk about Dina !
Each time we have a little chat , ,I shed some tears and she comforts me as best as a 5 year old knows to comfort !
I am sending lots of hugs your way .
Michal
( Mom to Tali aged 5 , 5/3/1998 32 weeks , PE and HELLP , mom to my first angel 20/2/2002 , 20 weeks , PE and HELLP , mom to my seccond angel Dina Chaya Hodaya , 29/10/2003 - 4 /11/2003 , PE and HELLP )
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Re : Help.

Postby cj7suthrnbelle » Fri Dec 05, 2003 06:01 am

The day has come. In a couple of hours I will hold my Ashton for the last time. How am I supposed to tell her goodbye when she never even heard me say hello? In the hospital after everyone left, I had her in bed with me, and I refused to let myself fall asleep for fear that she might actually wake up and I not know it. Pretty silly, huh? I remember her being so cold the longer I held her. I'm bringing an extra blanket for her casket so she doesn't get cold.
I wonder if she knows me? I mean, I talked to her for nearly nine months, but she never really had the chance to get know me like I knew her.
How am I going to be able to go into that room today knowing that my baby is going into the ground instead of home? I feel like some sort of freak of nature right now. She was perfectly healthy...it was me who was having all the problems. So why not let it be me instead?
I've cried so much my eyes are practically swollen shut, and I feel like I'm going to just lose it. Never in my life have I felt such despair,complete rage, and emptiness all at the same time. Never did I think God could be so cruel. Wish me luck, I have to go get ready...though I don't think that's possible.
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