by mom2ella (238 Posts), Sun Jun 14, 2009 06:27 pm
I am feeling completely overwhelmed. I have a child at home with a trach and on a vent. Thank God, he is doing very well and is the best baby ever. His "care" doesn't overwhelm me at all but I'm SSOOO tired of everything else. I appreciate all the help, but I am SO tired of having people in my house 24 hours a day. I am going through a really bad divorce, that just became the worst it could if you can imagine, and I have NO privacy. My mom is my biggest source of help but she's starting to overstep her boundaries with Ethan and she's not the kind of person that takes it lightly when you try to talk to her about something like that. She's also not fully trained so even though it is helpful for her to be here, she cannot be left alone. I feel guilty that I cannot get all of Ethan's physical therapy exercises in every day and he's still not even sitting up. I'm tired of waiting, waiting, waiting for things to happen. I need to see a little more progress. I know I shouldn't complain because he's doing great, but I feel like there should be something else that I can do. I feel myself losing my patience with him quicker. Not like in a bad way...just not taking as much time to get him to eat or to help him sit up and that stuff. I feel like I have post partum depression, only 13 months later. I cannot go back to work because I don't have enough reliable nursing, my ex was paying half the bills but is now only paying a small amount of child support, we lost Ethan's SSI (long story) and I'm afraid I'm going to lose everything. Some days I just feel like checking myself into a hospital just so someone else can take care of me and I can have some time to myself for a couple days. Chad is the only other person besides the nurses that is completely trained to be alone with him but he's too busy having a good time in his own life. He thinks parenting is visiting for a few hours a week, taking pictures to brag and maybe giving Ethan a bottle every now and then. I just asked him to stay one night and take care of the baby so I could get away for a night and he won't do it unless I tell him where I'm going. This coming from a man that started having an affair when I was 6 weeks pregnant with Ethan. I went out Saturday and he called me 31 times. I cannot even have a decent night out. I feel like all this is affecting my parenting so I have to feel guilty for that on top of the fact that his dad left us and other people HAVE to help me take care of him. UGHHH...I'm so overwhelmed. Thanks for listening to me vent.