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How to deal with what was to be due date

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How to deal with what was to be due date

Postby kimb » Tue Oct 14, 2003 05:12 pm

by kimb (140 Posts), Tue Oct 14, 2003 05:12 pm

Looking for how others dealt with the approaching day that was to have been their due date or are currently dealing with it. What was to have been Will's due date is still 5 weeks away but I am already becoming a mess over it. I can't decide if I should work that week or take the week off I'm supposed to be getting to be meeting my little boy in five weeks and getting to be his mommy and watch him grow up - not crying all the time because I never get to hold him again. I know that July 7th will always be his birthday - but its so hard to not look at what things were supposed to be like.
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Re : How to deal with what was to be due date

Postby kim » Tue Oct 14, 2003 06:07 pm

by kim (555 Posts), Tue Oct 14, 2003 06:07 pm

Kim,

While I can't possibly know what you are going through, I can only imagine. I am so sorry for your loss and imagine this is an excrutiating time for you. Take care,


Kim
Ainsley Kathryn 11/26/02-36 Weeks Preeclampsia
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Re : How to deal with what was to be due date

Postby taras mom » Tue Oct 14, 2003 07:36 pm

by taras mom (841 Posts), Tue Oct 14, 2003 07:36 pm

I worked, and I think it helped. My sister had her bouncing little girl a month after Tara was due--that was even harder. There's no easy way to get through any of it, but I found that slowly getting back into my normal activities helped. Take care of yourself, and give yourself a break whenever you need it.

Tara Mairichi
12/7-12/9, 2002
My little angel
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Re : How to deal with what was to be due date

Postby julie f » Tue Oct 14, 2003 11:25 pm

by julie f (7993 Posts), Tue Oct 14, 2003 11:25 pm

Kim,

I wish I had some words of wisdom or comfort for you but I don't know what to do myself, I will keep you in my prayers. Have you been to a support group yet? I have gone once and it was somewhat comforting.

My due date is approaching as well, October 25th. Nothing about the past 3 months have been easy but, since the calendar hit October 1, it seems to be even harder. I can't get out of my head all of the things that I "should" be doing right now - washing the baby clothes, putting the finishing touches on the nursery, walking around rubbing my belly... Instead, I am putting flowers on my son's grave, it's just so wrong.

Take care of yourself and do whatever you need to do to get through the days.



Julie
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26 weeks due to severe pe
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Re : How to deal with what was to be due date

Postby mada » Wed Oct 15, 2003 07:05 am

by mada (4081 Posts), Wed Oct 15, 2003 07:05 am

I am so sorry to all you ladies for your loss. I also couldn't imagine the pain. Kim, you do what you feel is right....Maybe work would help, if not, tell them you need to take some time off....Again, I am so sorry.

Mada Harpster

Sam 6-29-00 36weeks P.E.
Ben 11-03-01 No P.E.
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Re : How to deal with what was to be due date

Postby kimpaulus00 » Wed Oct 15, 2003 07:23 am

by kimpaulus00 (77 Posts), Wed Oct 15, 2003 07:23 am

My due date for Allison would have been September 16th and I was afraid that I would be a mess, but we decided to go out of town for the week and visit some of my husband's relatives. The trip seemed to help because I was able to focus on something else and I could spend time with my husband. That might be an idea as well, but you need to decide what is best for you and you need to allow yourself to grieve. My prayers are with you and you are not alone.

Kim -- mother to Allison Jean, our beautiful angel who showed a spirit and strength that belied her small size
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Re : How to deal with what was to be due date

Postby angelkat » Wed Oct 15, 2003 07:35 am

by angelkat (3423 Posts), Wed Oct 15, 2003 07:35 am

I was blessed to have our little girl here on her due date but she passed away 1 week afterwards. Her first birthday is quickly coming up and we have decided to celebrate Katlyne's life by having a Huge campaign of Lulliby tapes for the NICU when she spent her life. We contacted 100's of companies and asked for donations but only one company offered and that was the Beanie Baby (TY) company. I am pleased to share they have donated 100 beanie babies to the St. Louis Children Hospital NICU on my daughter behalf. Since today is pregnancy loss and infant loss we are sending balloons up to Katlyne later today when all of us are here to watch them go up to her.

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers for strength and comfort....

Hugs
~T


Mommy to
Drew(12)
Ky (10)
and our Angel Katlyne(12/9/02-04/02/03) forever in our hearts and thoughts
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Re : How to deal with what was to be due date

Postby kim » Wed Oct 15, 2003 07:50 am

by kim (555 Posts), Wed Oct 15, 2003 07:50 am

AngelKat,
I just wanted to say that your strength amazes me.

Kim
Ainsley Kathryn 11/26/02-36 Weeks Preeclampsia
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Re : How to deal with what was to be due date

Postby lawsontx » Thu Oct 16, 2003 08:41 am

by lawsontx (31 Posts), Thu Oct 16, 2003 08:41 am

My due date would have been June 25th, so I know exactly what you are going through. It fell on a Wednesday, so my husband and I took the day off. We had a quiet lunch and then went to buy the things we would need to plant a garden.

Faith is buried in an old, small, private cemetery that does not have restrictions. The headstone is in front of the grave, so we had to literally plant the garden on top of her grave to have the flowers behind the headstone. 6 hours, 2 sunburns, and a lot of tears later Faith had a beautiful garden of flowers on her grave. We plan on creating a similar garden in our backyard when we buy a home.

It was not as difficult as I thought it would be, and it was actually a turning point in my life. I woke up the next morning feeling like a lot of the heaviness on my heart was gone. I finally felt that we had completely laid Faith to rest, and she was letting us know that it was time to move on without her.

Let it be a day of healing and follow your heart. I pray that it will be an easy day for you.

-Jessica
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Re : How to deal with what was to be due date

Postby kimb » Thu Oct 16, 2003 05:52 pm

by kimb (140 Posts), Thu Oct 16, 2003 05:52 pm

Thank you to all of you. I have put in to take that week off from work - but told my boss I'll decide what I am doing for sure when the time comes - it's too hard to know yet. Unfortunately my husband won't be able to take the time off - but he was there during the time we were pregnant with Will - he was unemployed and able and willing to go to every dr appt with me and was able to stay by my side during both hospital stays. It is just amazing what being pregnant does to you. Mike and I were just married 10 1/2 months ago and hadn't planned on children - then there was William - an unexpected little miracle - and then just as surprisingly as he was there....he was gone. He was cremated and is here at home with us and I talk to him every day. I always make handmade quilts for friends when they have babies and I am thinking of using that week (if I take it off) to make a bunch of small quilts to donate to the hospital where I had Will. I know how much it meant to me to have the little handmade outfit for Will that someone had made and donated and the memory box I will cherish forever. I thought maybe a quilt from one mommy with empty arms to another might be nice - either for the mommy to keep and have something to hold or for the baby. It's a pain I never want any mommy to feel again - but if I can help to comfort a little I would like that ( my husband even said he would help!)Thank you all again!
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