by twolfgram (388 Posts), Tue Dec 02, 2003 07:26 am
As the first anniversary of Erik's death approaches, I find myself conflicted. I honestly don't think it's going to be a bad day. From that day on I think it will only get better, and I'm wondering if it means I'm not grieving properly, if there is such a thing. Instead of thinking, as I am now, how happy I was at this time last year, expecting him and everything going perfectly with my pg, I will remember, instead how sad I was after losing him and how I'm not as sad now. Does that make sense to anyone? I sometimes feel like I should still be crying every day and stuff. To be honest, I'm not that kind of person, which doesn't mean I don't still hurt. I think about him daily and wish things were different. There's a service of rememberance and light on Sunday evening at church where the names of loved ones who've died this year will be read off and family can light a candle in their honor. I asked that Erik's name be included and will light a candle. I'm sure I'll bawl through the whole thing, but I think I need that. Sorry I'm rambling.
Therese Mom to
Jonathan - 28 weeks born 10/4/95
Angel in Heaven - Erik 12/20/02