by mary (5 Posts), Wed Nov 19, 2003 03:35 pm
My last post was about "feeling overwhelmed" and that hasn't changed-- except that now I am overwhelmed with diapers, nursing and love.
Kasia was delivered on November 13 (week 37) by caesarean and weighed in at 6lbs, 4 oz and is a totally, perfectly healthy girl.
I spent this pregnancy in a state of panic having experienced severe PE (post partum) and HELLP in my first pregnancy 5 years ago (delivering a healthy daughter, Tigana, at 38 wks). I watched my BP edge upward and spent 3 weeks on bedrest. My proactive OB delivered me before symptoms worsened. My biggest concern was getting past the 36 hour post partum mark when things went bad the last time. Well... true to my experience, my BP did sore on the third day, but hasn't gone as high as it did the last time (I am pretty stable at 160/100). I didn't develop HELLP, never needed mag sulf, and missed out on the whole ICU experience (YEAH!!!!).
We are all keeping a close watch on things, knowing that rarely things can go wrong at this stage, but I believe in my heart that I have made it through the worse and only have high BP to contend with. After having HELLP, high BP just doesn't seem so awful.
For the women out there terrified of trying again (as was I), all I can say is that most of us make it through the experience fine, BUT we do suffer an almost unbearable emotional hardship in the process. This robs many of us, including me, of the ability to rejoice in the miracle of birth, as we wait and wait for the horror to descend. And, even if it never does, we cannot reclaim the innocence that we once had and long to recapture.
That sense of wonder and innocence is only recaptured when we hold the baby in our arms and the time of terror passes. And, for some, that never happens.