by mary (5 Posts), Tue Nov 04, 2003 04:00 pm
Thank you all so much for your thoughts. We're hanging in there. So far no protein although my bp tends to fluctuate a great deal. Our OB, whom we saw again today, is truly amazing-- never makes us feel neurotic with our worries. He's doing another biophysical profile tomorrow (had one last week) and will repeat again on Monday. He'll deliver next Thursday at the latest.
I do indeed stay up nights obsessing about all that could go wrong. I am assured that the baby is fine-- there were no issues with the profile last week-- its just that last time we had no idea how bad things could get and how quickly they could progress-- from being fine to in ICU in an hour. And, I was lucky-- when I read of what could have happened....
How I wish that I could have a pregnancy and delivery experience free from all this terror. I know that things could be fine but I will always be waiting for the worse. And, believe me, I am gifted at imaging the worst!
I am trying really hard not to let my fears show to my 5 yr old. She knows that I am sick and have to stay in bed, I told her that I was sick when I had her and "see- Mommy's fine now" and that sometimes Mommys get sick when they have babies but I have a wonderful doctor (my OB's kid is in my daughter's kindergarten class) who will give me medicine and look after me. I know the probability of mortality is slim (except in my imagination) and I don't want to scare her. Does anyone have advise on what we should tell her now (and later, if I do get sicker)?
Last night she crawled into bed with us and I spent hours stroking her hair and looking at her sleeping, peaceful face. I remembered the first moment I held her and all fear and pain vanished as I knew that she was worth any sacrifice I would ever make. Soon, I will hold another small baby in my arms, and just maybe the fear will pass-- even if I continue to suffer physically....