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Forgotten on Mother's Day

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Forgotten on Mother's Day

Postby sharonda » Wed May 05, 2004 08:07 pm

I don't want a card or a gift. I just want someone to acknowledge me. It feels like my family and friends are avoiding me. A couple of people at work stopped talking when I walked into the room. Later, I found out that they were talking about Mother's Day. They are making this harder than I thought it would be.
My daughter went to heaven in January and I feel like I am reliving the experience all over again. I finally feel stable enough to bury her ashes. Being neglected on Mother's Day, has made me feel empty and isolated. Am I being selfish or crazy?
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Re : Forgotten on Mother's Day

Postby angelkat » Wed May 05, 2004 08:49 pm

ShaRonda...

Your not being selfish or crazy. Even though your daugther is in heaven you are STILL HER MOTHER. You deserve to be treated like a mother as you are one.

Happy Mothers Day to you... I wish I could reach out thru the puker and give you a great big hug....


Hugs
~T
Moderator Grief and Loss
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Re : Forgotten on Mother's Day

Postby for faith » Thu May 06, 2004 09:13 am

You are definately NOT crazy. You ARE a mother, even though your child isn't with you. If you child died as a toddler or teenager, would anyone not consider you a mother, NO. If you mother died, would anyone not consider you a daughter, NO. People may just think it is too hard and make it harder on you to bring up your baby, they just don't understand. I really hope the people closest to you do. I wish I could give you a hug too.

Take care and I hope your mother's day is peaceful. HUGS

Jill
mommy to:
Tyler - 4 (36 wks, PIH)
Angel baby - 1/20/03 (11 wks)
Faith Kristine - 1/5/04-1/30/04 (30 weeks due to severe preeclampsia, passed due to NEC & Sepsis(premie complications))
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Re : Forgotten on Mother's Day

Postby jenn » Thu May 06, 2004 10:01 am

Hugs! And Happy Mother's day! Your def. NOT crazy! I lost Blaze early in my pregnancy , I am still his mom and forever will be. Same goes for you. May sound dumb, but I every so often go look at my old pregnancy test (yea' I saved it) just to look and confirm it was real.

Months back I too have noticed that my own family doesn't know how to react on the subject. If I bring it up they try to switch the subject asap. I think there is a lack of not knowing how to react or sparing my feelings. Nobody wants to upset me. But in return they make me wish they would.
I'm not a forward person myself. Not sure if you are either, But next time, if your able to... tell them it's okay for them to talk to you, by avoiding you it's making you hurt worse. You may be surprized at what that can do.
Others want to be there for you. I think they just need a little guidence from you on how too.
I too got sick of the "walking on egg shells" treatment. So I spoke up. My parents have changed the most on how they treat the subject. It was a great place for me to start and it's helping me.

I wish you all the best, and lots of love. May this Sunday be as important to your heart for your daughter as it is for mine and my son.

Jennie (24)
Shad DH (28)

Jaidyn 1.24.01 (30 wkr)
Severe PE/HELLP
2lb. 12oz.

Heavenly Angel:
Blaze
12.6.03
(miscarriage)

EDD- Thanksgiving! 11.25.04

http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/j/jaid/
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Re : Forgotten on Mother's Day

Postby kim » Thu May 06, 2004 11:09 am

ShaRonda,

You are just as much of a mother as those with living children. In fact, I would say you are a better mother for all that you have endured with your child. It's frustrating to me that people say nothing, because they feel uncomfortable. I have not lost a child, but my heart aches for all of you that have.


Kim
Texas Chapter Coordinator

Ainsley 11/26/02-36 Weeks Preeclampsia
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/ainsleyk/
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Re : Forgotten on Mother's Day

Postby sweetiesuzy » Thu May 06, 2004 12:53 am

Kim,
I just went to see your webpage and it says it will expire soon if you do not update it. I would hate for you to lose anything you have there. I just wanted to let you know in case you hadn't seen it.

Hugs,
Suzanna

DS 3/25/95
DD 10/26/01 stillbirth
DS 12/30/02
AND ~ It's a GIRL! Laura Elise edd 8/6/04
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Re : Forgotten on Mother's Day

Postby sharonda » Thu May 06, 2004 05:29 pm

Thank you for your posts. I cried at work today and told my co worker why I was so upset. She was great. She let me go on and on for about 30 minutes. I spoke to my mother also. She said that she wanted to say something but she was nervous. I am glad that I said something...finally.

Thank you all for the hugs. My thoughts go out to all of you this Sunday.
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Re : Forgotten on Mother's Day

Postby julie f » Thu May 06, 2004 11:34 pm

ShaRhonda,

People don't know what to say and so they often say nothing... If only they knew that sometimes just saying, "I'm sorry" or offerring a hug, would mean the world.

I will keep you and all of us in my prayers on Mother's Day.

Julie (27)
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe

Praying for a miracle... TTC #2 is a go!

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