New baby after loss - To prepare or not?

[angelkat]

I was just thinking this same thing!!!>.. We just found out that I am preg and I already have a call into the Peri office (Starting early). I think we will wait to have a shower until we have "little bud" home safe and sound but buy only a few things that are needed like the car seat and bassette(?)


Mommy to
Drew(12)
Ky (10)
and our Angel Katlyne(12/9/02-04/02/03) forever in our hearts and thoughts
http://www.forevernetwork.com/Archive/lifestory.cfm?Archive_ID=10971&Directory=%2FArchives%2FMountHope&CFID=1089289&CFTOKEN=79068509

[laura]

As for the other question- I had a bout of irrationality/melodrama when I was pregnant with Camille. I didn't mention it on the boards, but I was pretty convinced we were going to lose her, given the type of complications we were having, and her behavior. (I say irrationality and melodrama because I have never even approached the loss you guys have, with your dear ones.)

I bought all the stuff, taped the receipts to the boxes/labels and brought them over to my mom's. The DAY before my section- we brought just what we needed to start with over and put it together. I cried the whole time. I didn't actually allow myself to think we'd get to keep her until I heard her cry for the first time- and then I lost it and got hysterical. (Then the anesthesiologist upped my meds, and I passed out and started snoring, waking up only three times- each time to ask the doc how my placenta looked[:I])

Not that this is a great or healthy plan of attack... but isn't it weird how people respond to things?



Laura-28
DH Jack-30
Allie 5-13-98 (35 weeks-pre-e)
Baby Camille 4-17-03 (36 weeks- htn and oligo)
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/c/camilleandallie/

[amandab]

Amy ~ How are you?? I'll email you...

Tracy ~ Congrats!! It's so sad that peri's and delayed showers are among our first thoughts when we get that positive test. I hope you have a great and uneventful 9 months!!

Laura ~ Your story made me cry! I know exactly how you felt. I know those first few seconds after they get Baby B out, my eyes and ears will be wide open. I can't even imagine how I am going to make it through those seconds.

Amanda
~i~ Aidan Timothy
4/14/03 29 wks
Expecting again!!!
EDD 6/13/04

[sweetiesuzy]

Amanda,

Believe me - I understand what you are facing. I had two huge baby showers for Sam. On the drives home I cried and cried because I was convinced he would never make it home and I would have to return everything. Then of course was the saddness and guilt - grieving for Chloe. Why couldn't she of had all of these things? Why couldn't she be with me now?
There is no easy answer. You have to just follow your heart. What is right for you and your husband will be right and it will be OK. Personally, I was grateful to have had everything all ready and prepared because once I went on bedrest and was so sick right before and after giving birth I could have never washed all the clothes and gotten everything in order like I wanted it (please note that I am a bit of a perfectionist [:I]).
Just remember that this is a different pregnancy and you do have the right to have joy and happiness. I know how scary it is - but if you want to do stuff - DO IT! If you don't - DON'T! Your precious babe will survive no matter what. Love is the most important thing.
I just wanted to add - things you may want to get before hand for yourself ... feminie pads and breast pads and a pump if you are breastfeeding. I also found that having fresh groceries is always a huge helper!
I wish you all the best and please keep us updated.
HUGS,
Suzanna


DS 3/25/95
DD 10/26/01 stillbirth
DS 12/30/02
AND ~ Peanut edd 8/6/04

[amandab]

Suzanna,

I'm a bit of a perfectionist too! [:I] The perfectionist in me would love to have everything done months in advance.

Congrats to you!! We've had several fertile months around here!

Amanda
~i~ Aidan Timothy
4/14/03 29 wks
Expecting again!!!
EDD 6/13/04

[frasiah]

Congratulations Tracy!!! What water and air are you ladies breathing? So that I can avoid it or according to my husband, rush over there pronto!!!

I wish all you pregnant mommies long, long pregnancies without a lot of drama.

Be so blessed.
Now I am jealous, it is good to go through a whole pregnancy.

Frasiah 27
darling hubby 33
Victoria 7/3/03 29 wks due to sev p-e

[taras mom]

Amanda, I've started and abandoned three responses to your post! I can't go back to the blissfully unaware optimism I felt before I lost Tara, but I think I owe it to any future baby to not hold back--to treat him or her as an individual. Easier said than done, I'm sure! As Suzanna said, you have to follow your heart, but you're entitled to the joy of planning for a healthy baby if that's what you want to do. Remember that the stuff is just stuff, but the planning and anticipation are part of the experience that you might regret passing up.

Carol (38)
DH Bill (40)
Tara Mairichi
12/7-12/9, 2002
The Mightiest Little Angel

[amandab]

Carol~

I really appreciate your response! Your point about not holding back and treating each baby as an individual really made an impression on me. I think you are right that I will regret not enjoying this pg fully when thing turn out okay. If things turn out bad, at least I will have enjoyed these months with Baby B as I did with Aidan.

By the way, I love that you call Tara, "The Mightiest Little Angel." It is such a powerful remembrance of her.

Amanda
~i~ Aidan Timothy
4/14/03 29 wks
Expecting again!!!
EDD 6/13/04

[twolfgram]

I agree with Carol's response. One of the things I am looking forward to is decorating and getting the nursery ready, even tho our last pg ended in stillbirth as well. I try to be optimistic and that's one way to do that! Good luck no matter what you decide to do, or not do!

Therese Mom to
Jonathan - 28 weeks born 10/4/95
Angel in Heaven - Erik 12/20/02

[taras mom]

Thanks, Amanda![:)] Our little Jedi was quite a fighter; I consider it an honor to be her mom.

Carol (38)
DH Bill (40)
Tara Mairichi
12/7-12/9, 2002
The Mightiest Little Angel