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Birthday Help - Advice

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Birthday Help - Advice

Postby amillhouse » Wed Jun 16, 2004 12:09 am

by amillhouse (587 Posts), Wed Jun 16, 2004 12:09 am

Well, I feel like I have a plan for Father's Day but tomorrow is my birthday AND Isaiah's four-month anniversary. Seems like a cruel joke all around and I don't know how I am gonna get through tomorrow. I am going to work and DH has made reservations but I haven't been "happy" in a long time so I am not sure how to handle things. [V] Any advice? Thanks.

Anika

Mommy to Isaiah Dumisani Millhouse
20 January - 17 February 2004
Born at 28 weeks due to severe pre-eclampsia
Died at 28 days old of pneumonia
610 grams at birth
950 grams at death
My Angel Boy
"My firstborn, I will never forget you, always love you, and never replace you"
[URL=http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/d/dumisani]Isaiah's Website[/URL]
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Re : Birthday Help - Advice

Postby angelkat » Wed Jun 16, 2004 01:37 pm

by angelkat (3423 Posts), Wed Jun 16, 2004 01:37 pm

Anika...

Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you!!.. Sweetie, I wish I was there with you to help you get thru the days a head but nothing I can say will help with the pain that you have inside. But know that your sweet little boy will be right there next to you sharing your birthday with you. He will be the light in the candle and the breeze of the wind.

May you have wonderful dreams tonight and see your sweet little boy in them... Sending you HUGE HUGS.....


Hugs
~T
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Ky (11)PE 34 wks
~i~ Katlyne(12/9/02-04/02/03)25 wks
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Re : Birthday Help - Advice

Postby julie f » Wed Jun 16, 2004 01:51 pm

by julie f (7993 Posts), Wed Jun 16, 2004 01:51 pm

Oh Anika, I don't know what advice I could give to make it any easier... My birthday was such a hard day and my Mom (with very good intentions) threw me a surprise party and it was all I could do to get through the evening. If I could go back, I would just have a quiet evening with DH like you are going to. Do what you need to do to get through the day, don't let someone tell you what you "should" be doing.

I keep you in my prayers and I just pray that the days will start to become a bit easier and that hope and some happiness will not be too far off.

Sending you lots of long distance hugs,

Julie (27)
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe

Miracle in progress... #2 is due February 9, 2005!!!!

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Re : Birthday Help - Advice

Postby for faith » Wed Jun 16, 2004 02:33 pm

by for faith (1749 Posts), Wed Jun 16, 2004 02:33 pm

I hope that the day is peaceful for you. I agree about a quiet time. When I am having a difficult day (especially something like a special day, when I had all these plans of what I would be doing with Faith), being around a lot of people gives me so much more stress than it used too. Be easy on yourself. Maybe work on something in his memory (album, craft, etc). Also, I am beginning to do some volunteer work in Faith's memory and that is helping give me some strength.

I will be thinking of you.

Jill
mommy to:
Tyler - 4 (36 wks, PIH)
Angel baby - 1/20/03 (11 wks)
Faith Kristine - 1/5/04-1/30/04 (30 weeks due to severe PE, passed due to NEC & Sepsis(preemie complications))
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Re : Birthday Help - Advice

Postby kimb » Wed Jun 16, 2004 07:47 pm

by kimb (140 Posts), Wed Jun 16, 2004 07:47 pm

Sometimes it does really feel like a cruel joke doesn't it? My birthday was exactly 2 months after losing William and it was very hard trying to "celebrate" and enjoy the day. I went bowling with some friends and began sobbing because it was just no fair that I was having "some" fun and my little boy wasn't here. My husband just kept reminding me how glad he was that I was still here to "celebrate" my birthday - because he could have lost both Will and I. Being "happy" is very difficult - your loss is still very new. Three weeks from today is one year since I lost Will - and sometimes it is still hard to have fun - but I know I need to try. For me, the time leading up to an "anniversary" or an event is much worse for me than the time actually comes. Today is my nephew's first birthday - and about a month ago I was really upset and screaming that Will doesn't get to be here for his first birthday. But I did ok with My nephew's bday today and was able to "maintain" though I have had a few tears alone. I will be thinking about you tomorrow - try and have a good day and if fun or happiness comes along - let it happen.

Kim 35
William Michael - my angel - pe/HELLP 7/7/03
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Re : Birthday Help - Advice

Postby sjs40 » Thu Jun 17, 2004 01:53 am

by sjs40 (288 Posts), Thu Jun 17, 2004 01:53 am

I agree with all that has been said above. I think a quiet day is the better option. I often feel worse in the lead up to a special day, then cope surprisingly well on the actual day. I am actually dreading my birthday this year, and no doubt will dread every 'big' one from now on. I was admitted to hospital the day before my 40th birthday and Ellie was born 2 days after my birthday.
My main advice would be to do whatever feels right for you.


Sue (40)
Chris (37)
DD Eleanor Susan (Ellie)
born at 27wks severe PE
24 July 03 - 20 August 03
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Re : Birthday Help - Advice

Postby josiah1112 » Thu Jun 17, 2004 05:48 am

by josiah1112 (1368 Posts), Thu Jun 17, 2004 05:48 am

Happy Birthday, Anika. Hopefully, today, the actual
day, will be better than the days leading up to it.
Know that we are all here for you!


Gloria mom to Josiah 11/12/03- 12/4/03 @ 26wks pre e
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Re : Birthday Help - Advice

Postby taras mom » Thu Jun 17, 2004 06:01 am

by taras mom (841 Posts), Thu Jun 17, 2004 06:01 am

I have no advice that hasn't already been given, so I'm sending you a {{{hug}}} instead. Hang in there, Anika!

Carol (39)
DH Bill (40)
Tara Mairichi
12/7-12/9, 2002
The Mightiest Little Angel
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Re : Birthday Help - Advice

Postby amillhouse » Thu Jun 17, 2004 12:59 am

by amillhouse (587 Posts), Thu Jun 17, 2004 12:59 am

Thanks, Ladies!

It was actually a nice day. I went to work and a good friend called from the States and we talked for an hour, and I was really able to "release" and she really heard me. She really made my day as did all of you with your posts and direct e-mails. DH and I had a beautiful dinner. Thanks so much.

Anika

Mommy to Isaiah Dumisani Millhouse
20 January - 17 February 2004
Born at 28 weeks due to severe pre-eclampsia
Died at 28 days old of pneumonia
610 grams at birth
950 grams at death
My Angel Boy
"My firstborn, I will never forget you, always love you, and never replace you"
[URL=http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/d/dumisani]Isaiah's Website[/URL]
amillhouse
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Re : Birthday Help - Advice

Postby angelkat » Thu Jun 17, 2004 02:58 pm

by angelkat (3423 Posts), Thu Jun 17, 2004 02:58 pm

Hugging you tightly in my arms!

Had you and DH had a nice dinner together!....

Hugs
~T
Moderator Grief and Loss
Mommy to
Drew(13)PE 37 wks
Ky (11)PE 34 wks
~i~ Katlyne(12/9/02-04/02/03)25 wks
Casey Looking at Aug
Katlyne's Tribute Site
http://forevernetwork.com/lifestories/lifestory.cfm?Archive_ID=10971&Directory=/Archives/MountHope&Sort=V
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