New here

[mrsboogs]

Hi all,

My name is Lorraine and I lost my son Ben at 28 weeks gestation on 28/10/03. I had a concealed placental abruption. I arrived at the ER in pain, thinking it was my gallbladder as I had just found out a month earlier that I had gallstones. When the Dr saw me about 15-20 minutes later I was in agony and I still had no clue what was going on because I wasn't bleeding at all. He sent me up to Birth Suite and an ultrasound confirmed that my baby died. I remember he kicked me in triage of ED so he was alive up until then. I keep thinking if they had seen me sooner then he may be alive today. I also blame myself a lot because for a couple of days before it happened I noticed that he wasn't moving around in there as much but I just blew it off and didn't do anything about it. I feel so bad about that. But I do know that things happen in life for a reason.

My BP was 142/100 when I arrived at ED and it got higher after I delivered him too.

He was beautiful and weighed 930g.(just over 2 pounds). I miss him so much. We decided in Jan to start trying again and I got pregnant last month but sadly just had an early miscarriage at 5 weeks last week. Things are pretty bad at the moment and I am feeling discouraged I guess

I have a son who is 4. I had absolutely no problems with BP in that pregnancy and Ben was with the same father too. Anyone else have PE with a second pg and not first?

Any input would be appreciated!

Lorraine (28)
Michael (32)
Michael Luis 27/03/00
Benjamin Angelo 28/10/03-28/10/03

[tracey]

Hi Lorraine
I actually have no answers for your questions, as I have only been pregnant once (lost daughter Ila at 25w2d to pe and HELLP). But I did want to say I am so very sorry for both of your losses. That is a lot to deal with in a short amount of time. I am so happy that you have found this forum -- the women here are phenomenal, and I'm sure you will find that your questions or comments will be most welcome. There is always someone who will have answers for you, and lots of people to offer support.
As for the guilt you feel, you most certainly are not alone. I noticed reduced movement on a Friday, but since I myself was feeling relatively well, waited until Monday to go in and be checked, so as not to "bother" my midwives. I wondered if I hadn't eaten quite enough of the right foods, or been active enough despite my nearly constant nausea. I, for one, felt this for a long while, and I suspect most of us here suffer this to some degree. I have come to realize through researching the subject and talking to a team of great doctors that there was really nothing I could have done differently, especially since I had absolutely no idea I was at risk for something like this to happen. Like you, I have resigned myself to believing that things happen in life for a reason. Despite the pain of losing her, Ila has taught me great things in a few short months.
I hope you will find answers to your question. I'm sure someone will be along here soon who can! Please continue to post in this and other forums on the site.
Looking forward to "talking" with you more in the future.


Tracey
mother to angel Ila Elizabeth (February 6, 2004)

[angelkat]

Hi and welcome to the forum!
I am so sorry for your losses. I have had PE in three of my preg and so far PE is staying away from me. I do have high blood pressure which makes me more at risk for the ugly PE to attack me.

Most of us who have lost a child before TTC again have or will have a peri (high risk doctor) look over our records to discuss what can be done differently and have a care plan of what to do. Not to say they can or will prevent PE from happening again but you will have a better understanding about your body. Also to have baseline lab work done to see if you have any clotting factors that were missed. Of course, it is always good to have a 24 urine done to see if you are prone to spilling protein.

I hope you find the support, friendships and understanding from the forum as most of us have....

My thoughts and prayers for comfort and peace....

Hugs
~T
Moderator Grief and Loss
Mommy to
Drew(13)PE 37 wks
Ky (11)PE 34 wks
~i~ Katlyne(12/9/02-04/02/03)25 wks
Casey Looking at Aug
Katlyne's Tribute Site
http://forevernetwork.com/lifestories/lifestory.cfm?Archive_ID=10971&Directory=/Archives/MountHope&Sort=V

[for faith]

Lorraine - Welcome, so sorry for your losses and everything you went through. I had high BP with my son, just starting at 30 weeks though, he was delivered perfect at 36 weeks, he is 4 like your son. Then I had PE with my daughter, with high BP starting at about 25 weeks and she was born at 30 weeks when PE progressed. They were both the same father too.

Don't ever feel guilty, you did everything you knew to do. I feel guilty sometime too that my body couldn't keep my baby long enough to bring my baby into the world healthy. Wishing you lots of peace. Hope you find this site very helpful, I have.



Jill
mommy to:
Tyler - 4 (36 wks, PIH)
Angel baby - 1/20/03 (11 wks)
Faith Kristine - 1/5/04-1/30/04 (30 weeks due to severe PE, passed due to NEC & Sepsis(preemie complications))

[gossamer]

Dear Lorraine,
i am so sorry for your loss. I know this makes no sense to you right now, but you are not responsible for your son's death. You are a great momma and while you were able to carry him, he surely felt your love for him. I lost my daughter at 24w 3d and I know the sorrow. You and your family are in my prayers.
Gossamer

"Before you were conceived, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were a minute old, I would have died for you. This is the miracle of life. " -Maureen Hawkins

[mrsboogs]

Thanks for all your support and comments guys. I know I should not blame myself but I really can't help it sometimes. Little Ben had no one else to rely on besides me! I just don't understand how I could have one perfectly normal pg and then get such severe PE with an abruption in the 2nd!

I wrote a letter a few months ago to the ER saying that I should have been seen straight away considering what my BP was. They are currently reviewing their procedures.

I guess you just never think that something bad can happen to you until it does! Even when I was in all that pain in ED, it just never even entered my head that he could be in trouble.

I am so sorry to all of you for your losses too. I hope we can all find peace and that our lives start to make more sense soon.

Lorraine
xoxox

Lorraine (28)
Michael (32)
Michael Luis 27/03/00
Benjamin Angelo 28/10/03-28/10/03

[taras mom]

Welcome, Lorraine! I'm very sorry about your miscarriage and the loss of your little Ben. You're in good company here, and I think you'll find a lot of support.

(BTW, Ben was my first pick for a boy's name, and I have a wonderful little nephew named Ben.[:)])

Carol (39)
DH Bill (40)
Tara Mairichi
12/7-12/9, 2002
The Mightiest Little Angel