My due date was 10/25/03, I delivered in July and my son passed away 5 days later. When the calendar hit 10/1/03, I felt as though the grief was starting all over. I had such plans for October, all of them included bringing home a healthy baby... I had a friend who lost her 1st little one to HELLP tell me that the anticipation of the due date was worse than the day itself. I thought she was crazy at first but, after the day had passed, in some ways I agreed with her. All the days leading up to the due date were days that things "should" have happened on... I should have been packing for the hospital, I should have been feeling the baby move around, I should have been feeling contractions, I should be giving birth, etc. Once the due date passed, in some ways I felt like I could start looking towards new beginings and things that will hopefully happen in the future. Of course I still think that I "should" have a baby right now and he "should" be smiling at me and waking me through the night... but, I have been able to embrace more and more the miracle that his life was and focus on that. I am forever grateful for him and will also forever mourn that I will never have him here with me.
Praying for you,
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe
Southern California Chapter President