by ileana (1010 Posts), Tue Nov 18, 2003 06:36 am
I'm so sorry for your loss. This is so terrible! I also lost my little boy at 24w in February.
It's just so hard to say the right words. Of course this is terrible. It's this baby that you dreamed of holding and caring for and now it's all gone.
If it gets better? It does with time, but, yes I still cry for him and for every similar story that I hear on this forum. My husband can't even read the posts. He asks me how can I stand to hear all these sad stories, but it just makes me feel like I am not alone.
It was not easy to go back to life. At work, I could not understand how people could laugh at small nothings. For months, I could not talk to anyone other than my husband, because I was obsessed with what happened, and people listened to the story once and were sad, but they moved on and could not understand that we kept thinking about it again and again. I worked and ate and got out of bed and did the right stuff every day, but there was no fun in anything I did.
Before the pregnancy I started to do yoga so that I could continue during pregnancy. I liked it a lot. After my baby died, I went to the yoga class, but the magic was gone... we were just making poses... there was no fun in it anymore.
We did not go for any therapy. My therapy was this Forum. I could see that this happens a lot, that there are other people that feel just like me, but also that there is hope and help.
I felt that I got back to life when I started volunteering for the Foundation, when I felt that I could help and that we can do something so that other women will no go through all we've been through.
You need to go on, you need to go on for your 6yo that needs you. You need to go on, but you also need to grieve. One thing that I found helpful was to cry as early as possible in the day. I went into the shower and just let all my thoughts free and cried it over as much as I could. The day would then be easier to start.
There will be days when you feel you went over it, but others when the whole pain will come back as if it was yesterday.
Try to find someone you can talk to as much as you need: your husband, a friend, a social worker from the hospital, or in this Forum. There will always be someone that will encourage you to speak and will let you know that we have been there too.
Angel stillborn 24w p-e 2/17/03