by julie f (7993 Posts), Mon Jan 19, 2004 05:01 pm
I wish I could say something to make it better but, all I can offer is that time does seem to do something to the grief. It does not become any less but, it becomes part of life and the wounds do not always seem so fresh. I'm not sure if that makes any sense. I guess for me, it's just that grief is now part of my everyday and I find that I make it through, that some days are easier than others.
Do you have a close pastor that you can talk to about dealing with your grief and feelings toward God? We were very fortunate to have a close family friend/pastor there with us through my son's life and also his passing. Of course, he could not answer "Why?" But, as time has begun to pass, I have decided that I don't even want to know why because I don't know that the reason would ever be good enough for me. So far, everytime that I have been to church since Zach died, I have not been able to make it through without crying.
About work, I was fortunate in that I was not working before so, I did not have to go back. Sometimes though, I was jealous of my husband, that he got to go to work and I had to stay in this house that was supposed to be filled up with a baby. I started working p/t last month and even though it had been almost 6 months, I still found it hard - mostly because I couldn't control my environment. People would talk about their children and then they would ultimately ask if I had any... I have begun to feel better about it though and feel like it is helping me get back to the "real world." Working with children though I'm sure would be very difficult, I don't know that I could do it right now. Take as much time as you can and as you need, work will always be there.
Thinking of you,
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe