Confused about feelings

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Confused about feelings

Postby twolfgram » Tue Dec 02, 2003 07:26 am

As the first anniversary of Erik's death approaches, I find myself conflicted. I honestly don't think it's going to be a bad day. From that day on I think it will only get better, and I'm wondering if it means I'm not grieving properly, if there is such a thing. Instead of thinking, as I am now, how happy I was at this time last year, expecting him and everything going perfectly with my pg, I will remember, instead how sad I was after losing him and how I'm not as sad now. Does that make sense to anyone? I sometimes feel like I should still be crying every day and stuff. To be honest, I'm not that kind of person, which doesn't mean I don't still hurt. I think about him daily and wish things were different. There's a service of rememberance and light on Sunday evening at church where the names of loved ones who've died this year will be read off and family can light a candle in their honor. I asked that Erik's name be included and will light a candle. I'm sure I'll bawl through the whole thing, but I think I need that. Sorry I'm rambling.

Therese Mom to
Jonathan - 28 weeks born 10/4/95
Angel in Heaven - Erik 12/20/02
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Re : Confused about feelings

Postby julie f » Tue Dec 02, 2003 11:37 am

Therese,

I really don't believe there is such a thing as "proper greiving." I really think we all grieve in our own way, and whatever get us through, gets us through. I have felt many times like you, am I feeling the way I should, is what I'm doing appropriate? But, I have learned that I just have to take it day by day. There are days that I still have to force myself out of bed and, days that I really feel like I can see the light at the end. I really try to make a conscious effort every day to celebrate what I was given for five precious days - somedays it is easier than others. If you are able to have a peaaceful day on the anniversary of your son's death then I think that is a wonderful tribute to your love for him.

I guess what I just wanted to say is that you're not alone. We all deal with it differently but our pain is not any less.

Julie
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26 weeks due to severe pe
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Re : Confused about feelings

Postby sweetiesuzy » Fri Dec 05, 2003 06:21 am

BIG HUGS! You are not alone. We all love our babies endlessly, yet we are all individuals. We all have different feelings and thoughts. We all grieve differently. No one person can understand your personal heart and relationship with your baby. I am just so sorry we all have to have this as a part of our being.

THe memorial service sounds wonderful. I will be thinking of you and precious Erik.

Suzanna
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Re : Confused about feelings

Postby twolfgram » Fri Dec 05, 2003 07:28 am

Thanks - it's so comforting to have people to talk to!

Therese Mom to
Jonathan - 28 weeks born 10/4/95
Angel in Heaven - Erik 12/20/02
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Re : Confused about feelings

Postby kimpaulus00 » Fri Dec 05, 2003 01:31 pm

I would have to agree that we are individuals and that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Even though I know that, sometimes I also end up asking myself if I am grieving for Allison enough. However, I end up realizing, with help from my DH, that she would want me to go forward and she knows that she will always have a very special place in my heart. Over the past months, I have been able to have fewer of the days where I wonder whether I am grieving enough and fewer days where my thoughts of Allison hurt more than they help. I think that grieving is a journey that everyone must explore/follow for herself or himself and that no two journeys will be the same.

Take care and our angels will always watch over us.


Kim -- mother to Allison Jean, our beautiful angel who showed a spirit and strength that belied her small size
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Re : Confused about feelings

Postby annegarrett » Fri Dec 05, 2003 02:32 pm

Please consider making or having us do it for you--a quilt square in memory of your babies. We want to have a PF quilt to hang in the front office. Include the name, DOB/DOD, weeks, size (if you like) city, state, country, and a special quote, prayer or thought.

Squares should be 12x12.

Take care and know that grief is so personal. If you find yourself unable to cope--we can help you find someone to talk with.



Anne Garrett
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Preeclampsia Foundation
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Re : Confused about feelings

Postby twolfgram » Tue Dec 09, 2003 10:46 am

Please consider making or having us do it for you--a quilt square in memory of your babies. We want to have a PF quilt to hang in the front office. Include the name, DOB/DOD, weeks, size (if you like) city, state, country, and a special quote, prayer or thought.

Squares should be 12x12.

Anne,

My mom LOVES to quilt, so I asked her to make a square for Erik. Where should I send it?[:)]

Therese Mom to
Jonathan - 28 weeks born 10/4/95
Angel in Heaven - Erik 12/20/02
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Re : Confused about feelings

Postby annegarrett » Tue Dec 09, 2003 02:20 pm

PF headquarters.

12727 NE 20th St.
Bellevue, WA 98005

Anne Garrett
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Preeclampsia Foundation
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Re : Confused about feelings

Postby sweetiesuzy » Wed Dec 10, 2003 01:14 pm

Anne,
I didn't know you were doing this! It is a wonderful tribute to our angels. My mother is a quilter and I am going to ask her if she would help me make one for Chloe. The only thing is ... Chloe didn't die because of a blood pressure related issue. If the quilt is strictly for those who died because of that just let me know.

Thanks so much,
Suzanna
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