by catherine (2832 Posts), Mon Dec 01, 2003 09:24 pm
Lisa, be gentle with yourself. I doubt very much that anything you did, or any place that you visited caused you to develop preeclampsia. It is so very hard to accept that there isn't an answer for these things. When I had my first m/c, I couldn't believe that malnourished women, living rough, etc. could carry a baby to term and I couldn't. Then I had my son and thought that I had cracked reproduction!! Four years later we decided to have another baby. No problem, told the world as soon as the stick turned blue.. totally forgot the lesson that I had learned. Once again, we lost the baby. When I finally got pregnant with Lucy, I wouldn't cut or dye my hair, wouldn't move hardly, wouldn't even go to the Dr because I didn't want to go through the routine of U/S, quantitative HCG levels etc. I know that the statistics say that if you see a heartbeat when you are having problems in early pregnancy that 90% of the time things work out fine. Well, not in my case. The Lucy pregnancy was amazing to me, no endless bleeding etc. I thought that things couldn't be smoother. Well, I guess preeclampsia got the last laugh there.
What I'm saying is don't punish yourself. If you decide to try again, have some faith in your ability to succeed. It may very well be a struggle, and things might not work out, but it won't be because you did something wrong, any more than last time. I'm praying that some day soon research will give us some predictive tests so that it isn't such a big unknown to face.
P.S. For anyone who didn't get the message GET THE SHOT... check out this link.
DH, Dave (40)