Originally posted by tschnelle
I am jumping into the conversation, but I, too have had this test my faith. I am a devoted Christian, a minister's wife, but not infallible. I wonder His plan, the purpose of having me carry Grace full term, only to come home with empty arms. I know that He can use Grace's death, I know He could have prevented it, I know that something good will come of this.
This whole situation has caused me to simmer in silent anger about all those who are not faithful, but seem to be blessed again and again with children, not anger directed at the person, but a green jealousy of their child-filled life. My baby's room is empty, shelves filled awaiting the homecoming of our little one, that did not come to fruition. I rage against my body for not being able to do what it should. I anxiously mark the rise and fall of my temperature, waiting for the moment I can be a mother again, but it doesn't happen. Who knows why this happened to us. But our God is a big God, one who can handle our questions, our silence, our rage, loving us all the while. I have tree vision, but God is a God of the Forest. Some day, we will know the "why". In the meantime, we hand over control to our Maker, and move over into the co-pilot's seat. God knows all things, has felt all things, and will make us new.
mommy to Grace Elizabeth,
born still 11-03-03 at 36wks and 5 days
due to PE & HELLP
Bel Air, MD
Originally posted by annegarrett
I am glad you found us but sorry that the reason you had to was such a great loss. As you have and will find--there are too many women here who know just what you are going through. Over a quarter of our members have lost a baby--most their first baby--so you will find a great deal of love and support here and even though it isn't enough--I hope it is something. Please feel free to write me anytime at my personal email firstname.lastname@example.org or call the toll free number at the office 1-800-665-9341. That goes for any of you. I would be happy to talk to you and offer support. I lost my mother (my best friend) last October and these past weeks have been terribly tough. You think it gets easier--but then it isn't. I wish there were words. My only consolation is none at all--which is that there are so many women here who understand my loss. I wish it weren't so--but it unfortunately is.
Please take care and let me know if I can do anything to help you through this tough time.
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