I'm home from the hospital, finally, I got back 5 days ago. The traumatic experience

Post On Monday, March 07, 2005 By

I'm home from the hospital, finally, I got back 5 days ago. The traumatic experience
I'm home from the hospital, finally, I got back 5 days ago. The traumatic experience I went through I will never forget! It was Febuary 19th, about 11pm. I was studying for a class I was about to start online. Everything seemed perfect, seemingly-I had just gotten married January 18th, I have two beautiful children 6 year old Drianna and 20 month old Philip Jr. And as I said I was about to embark on my education.After my quad-screen test done some weeks earlier I had already been warned that my baby was suffering from Intrauterine Growth Restriction because his placenta was dysfunctional, and that put me at risk for pre-eclampsia. But my Doctor said Pre-eclampsia would most likely occur in my 3rd trimester. Here I am 23 weeks, studying, when tradegy struck out of nowhere! I felt shortness of breath-which I never felt before, I had to conciously pace my breathing. Me and my husband were very concerned for my chest was indeed tightening up! Because we had no car at the time, I had to call an ambulance to come check me out. They considered my blood pressure "not to be so bad" and I felt my breathing was getting better so I declined a trip to the hospital. My breathing improved even more after they left but another BIG problem struck. I had some unexplainable terrible pain in my upper abdominal. I've never had pain this high up in my stomach before. I tried to endure most of the night, I laid down tossing and turning, I even took a bath trying to relax myself-but nothing helped. This insistant pain would not budge! I said to my husband that that was it I must go to the hospital something is not right. It was now 6 in the morning I had suffered this stomach pain all night! Of course like all the other stories my doctor came and checked my pressure which just went from bad to worse 168 over 102 to 174 over 115.I was so scared, then she came back to tell me about my liver that it was "elevated" she said 'that is the pain your feeling in your tummy.' My doctor looked nervous as she called for Memmorial Hospital to come get me. She looked at me and said "girl, you are sick!" When the other ambulance arrived and walsed me out of the room My doctor warned me that I would not be leaving the hospital anytime soon and that If my baby was born anytime soon He would not live. Darius, my son so tiny and fragile- not ready for the outside world. After days of the mag and anxiety medication, even Demerol inititially for the stomach pain. It was decided that we couldn't wait any longer or I could loose my own life. My platelets dropped too low for an epidural so They had to induce my labor. When I saw just how small little Darius was I knew in my heart there was nothing that could be done. They did get him on the tubes and machines. They had his heart rate going for a while. But me and my husband knew we'd have to let him go. He was only 13.6oz. After 3 days of him being on the machines, God saw that it was time to take my son into his own arms-knowing that my boy would have too hard of a life down here. The NICU called me in my hospital room to tell me his heartrate was in fact slowing and I better get down there. Me and the hospital Chaplain Baptised him and when my husband arrived we sent him on his way. We had took pictures with him and everything! Darius- that name means "warrior" Well I guess because he was so fragile and weak here on earth, God decided to bring him on home so that he can be a mighty warrior for him. I wouldn't of wanted Darius to live and suffer with all kinds of problems, I know why God took him. My question is why me? Why did my preeclampsia strike just early enough to where he couldn't possibly have made it? Why didn't God hold the sickness down long enough for my son to have a chance? I will never forget my second son, no matter how many children I have or how many I will have in the future. I will never forget his skin his little hair and his chest. Everything aobut him- why couldn't he just have had more of a chance. We wanted so badly to have a little brother for Philip and Drianna as well. Please say a prayer for our strength as we will for you all! And you can email me if you wish I need all the support I can get. And by giving support, maybe I can heal a little bit. If that is possible.
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