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Post On Wednesday, February 01, 2012 By Raphaela
Tomorrow (2nd Feb 2012) would have been the happiest day of my life. It would have been the birth of my first baby, my baby girl. Instead of tears of‚ joy there would be tears of sadness. Why did she have to go?????? Leaving me and daddy all alone... what have I done wrong to deserve this?
My story was a happy love story. I met my boyfriend 8 years ago, fell in love and after all those time together, we decided to try for a baby. After 4months of trying I was pregnant for the first time. What a joyful moment it was. Everything was ok during the first trimester apart from the vomiting. During my second trimester, I noticed that my feet, hand, face and nose was getting bigger than usual. I thought‚ that it was normal as a part of pregnancy... When I reached 23 weeks, my blood pressure got very high (150/100) and they found high concentration of protein in my urine. I was suffering from severe preeclampsia. The only way to start getting better was to give birth. As I was only in the second trimester, the baby would not make it. Hell no, I'm not going to let them terminate my pregnancy...
I was hospitalized. They tried everything to bring down the blood pressure and I measured all the liquid, what goes in and what comes out. They conducted daily blood test. The results did not look good. I was getting worse. They insist that I terminate the pregnancy if I wanted to live. With a lot of counseling and advice from a priest, my boyfriend and I had no choice but to go along with their decision. It was a very difficult moment for both of us.
At‚ exactly 24 weeks, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She was perfect. I hold on to her for as long as I could. I wish I could have heard her cry for at least one time; I wish I could have seen her eyes for at least one time; I wish I could have heard her heart beat for at least one time; I wish she could have held my finger at least one time................
How can I go on without you???? Please help me. Watch down over me and daddy from heaven. We will always love you. Sorry for letting you go. Hope you will forgive us when we meet again. Sorry baby.
I found out I was pregnant in the middle of everything. I was finishing graduate school for my MSW... Read MorePaige