Finding My Light Through All The Darkness

Post On Tuesday, March 06, 2012 By Destanee

Finding My Light Through All The Darkness

Dark

Saturday December 11, 2010, I had a really bad headache... stronger than the others. I didn't have headaches throughout my pregnancy however for the past 3 days I was having them. But I shrugged it off since I called my OB's office and one of the nurses said it was "Flu Symptoms." Me and my fiance Steve were at his family party and I sat there feeling fine for the first 5 minutes then all of a sudden I got a migraine and felt really weak. All I had to do was give him a look and we were out the door. I then called my mother and asked her what I should take to get rid of this and luckily she was with my aunt (a nurse) and knew that it was because my blood pressure was high and told me to get it checked. My fiance then took me to his aunt's and she checked it and it was 180/117. I called my aunt back and told her what the numbers were and she said that that was TOO high and to get to the hospital. So we walked out of his aunts house and walked to the car to get ready to go to the hospital and all of a sudden I felt extremely weak..I could barely walk and I couldn't think straight. It was weird... I couldn't remember how to walk and I was stuck standing there for a couple seconds. This got me thinking "somethings wrong" and I was beginning to worry. We got to the Birthing Center and I walked in and the receptionist asked for my medical card and I tried to give it to her but I couldn't... I was then too weak to even get my card out and my vision started to get blurry. She noticed it was hard for me to stand so she called someone to the front to bring me a wheelchair. A woman showed up with the chair and asked me to sit down and I couldn't do that either because I forgot how to walk and sit for some reason. So the woman and my fiance had to help me into the chair and I practically fell in the chair. So they skipped all the paper work I was supposed to do and rushed me to a room. I remember my fiance and two other women lifting me on the bed and begin taking my clothes off and cut off my bra..I remember thinking "hey i like this bra!" After that i cant remember anything else..it goes black..dark. From what the doctors and my family told me I was seizing for what seemed like forever all the while my fiance was the one who was holding me tight so I wouldn't hurt my self and twist my neck. They gave me the highest amount of magnesium they could give me. I was on a breathing tube and my sons heart rate dropped extremely low to the point where they believed he wouldn't make it and had to begin turning their attention on me to try and save my life instead. They gave me an emergency c-section and said that me and my son were stable. I had him at 11:44 p.m that same night. I stayed on a breathing tube for 2 days and my son was in the NICU. I woke up 3 days later not remembering a thing and still thinking I was pregnant i looked down and noticed my stomach felt empty and asked my mom "did I have the baby?" I got to FINALLY see my son which was the happiest moment I can remember. I stayed in the hospital for a total of 5 days. My son then moved up to the Special Care Nursery which was the step before he could get out of the hospital. He finally got released on December 18. I had no idea I had Eclampsia before that day... my OB/GYN didn't even catch it. However the day before (Friday) was my 37 week appointment and they made me reschedule my appointment to the following Monday since my Dr was delivering a baby. So everyday I'm thankful for every breath me and my son take. I believe God was watching over us because if we didn't get to the hospital at the time we did, we'd be dead.

Light

Every so often I still experience feelings of failure, anger, sadness, guilt but not as often as I used to. My son is now 14 months happy and healthy... we both are. And still to this day I get upset that I didn't get to remember any kind of experience. I wasn't lucid till the 2-3 day that I was in the hospital and even when I was its still fuzzy. It sucks that I didn't get to see my son the day he was born nor the 2nd day..it still bothers me. Sometimes, every once in awhile I even cry hiding the tears from my loved ones..but they know how I feel..they just tell me if I didn't get the emergency c-section we'd both be dead and there's nothing I could've done to prevent it when there wasn't any signs. I know this and I'm thankful me and my son are both alive and healthy..we had God watching over us but I just wish I had some kind of memory of hearing my sons 1st cry, seeing my son open his eyes for the 1st time..but I didn't get to see or hear these things. But I see the brighter side and it gets me through these feelings..and that is my son, my miracle baby, my angel ♥ without him my life would be dull, empty, not complete, dark... and everyday I am thankful for every breath we take. For the love of my life Steve (My fiance) who is still by my side, right next to me through all the good, bad and the ugly... when I'm in his arms I know they're strong and safe... and when I see how happy they are the light inside me gets brighter... my happiness. They are my happiness, my light. And my family they're my joy. My mom, dad, brothers and sisters, nephews and nieces, cousins, aunts and uncles..they're my joy. All these people in my life which I hold dear are the medicine which keeps me alive! I love you! and God he is love!! and day by day, night by night..my light shines a little brighter.

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So sorrry for the darkness but thankful you found and have your light

Posted On Wednesday, May 02, 2012 By Danielle

I'm glad nothing happened to you! You had it bad! I didn't get the side effects of high bp and they said that was atypical. I'm so sorry you had to experience that. At least you have your son. What a beautiful gift God gave you. I lost my little girl Kya at 22 weeks and got really sick and on magnesium but no seizing or even spots in my vision and reading your story I am very thankful I didn't get that! I just have high blood pressure now.


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