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Post On Monday, April 30, 2012 By Danielle
My name is Danielle Q. I'll be 23 in 2 months and this is the story of my very first and only pregnancy. My fiancee James and I had a perfect pregnancy up until about 20 weeks. The day we had our first big ultrasound was going to be the most amazing life-changing day of our lives. That was the day we found out if we were having a boy or a girl. I've never been more excited for anything than I was for this! We were pretty sure it was going to be a girl. James has 1 daughter. His brother has 2 girls. So obviously the girls are running the show in this family! When they told us it was a girl I was so happy because now I had my very own baby daughter and I could picture the future more clearly. So much joy but what had been one of the most special days of my life quickly turned into a scary one. We went to the doc and they found the amniotic fluid to be a tad on the low side and they said she was barely moving. They acted like it was common for the fluid to be a little low sometimes and that everyday it varies. But as a mother if everything isn't perfect you panic especially dealing with the life of your precious child. So in a few days I was going to go get another ultrasound done so I tried to drink lots of water in the mean time to help the amniotic fluid but before we could get to the day of the ultrasound one of the worst things that could happen to a pregnant woman, happened to me. This one night I just started gushing out blood and my belly was tensing up A LOT, it was painless but sheer agony at the same time ‚ We rushed to the nearest ER‚ and they found a tear in the placenta and a blood clot that healed and went away.‚ And I had to lay there for hours enduring this wondering if everything was going to stop and be okay. The bleeding stopped and blood clot healed but once the preeclampsia pokes holes in your veins it starts a vicious process. Although, the amniotic fluid was also at normal range by the time I left my BP was still sky high. I stayed on bed rest for 5 days then I went to my regular OB and he sent me straight to one of the best hospitals. I had a lot of protein in my urine and my BP got up to 170s/115s even when I got to the first hospital it was that high. But they didn't seem like they knew much about preeclampsia at the first hospital. All of the high risk docs kept telling me that was was happening to me was very rare. That made me feel like there is seriously something wrong with me.
All the docs and nurses kept asking me if I kept seeing any spots in my vision but I never did, they kept checking for fluid in my lungs, and tapping my knees. I had hyperreflexia really bad and I was extremely puffy. They had me on magnesium and luckily they got me on BP pills and they were helping but definitely didn't get it down all of the way. The magnesium gave me the worst migraine and made me feel like I had the flu. Fortunately, my symptoms didn't get any worse than that. The medical staff said it was atypical for me not to experience symptoms such as seizures and strokes with how high my blood pressure was. I am so thankful for that but by the same token I had to make the choice to end my baby's life so I could live instead. I can't even explain what a mortifying, devastating decision that was to make. Also, Kya's heartbeat stayed strong the whole way through but she was small for 22 weeks. She was moving around and kicking up a storm though and her heart beat was good but a test showed reverse blood flow and I was so sick. She got to 22 weeks but it's not until 23/24 weeks a baby starts developing lung tissue so they couldn't give steroid shots for her lungs. It was only a matter of time till the disease would go to my brain, heart, kidneys, liver etc...and shut everything down and also make Kya's heart stop beating... So the gut-wrenching choice had to be made.
When we told them our decision they gave me a drug to start labor. It took about 12-18 hours. They said since she was so small she could just plop right on out and that sounded scary and awful to me so the nurse told me if you feel like you gotta go number 2 then she's coming. So when I felt that all of the high risk docs came rushing in and assisted me through it. When she came out and I held her I felt that love that everyone describes, unconditional love. An instant connection. She was apart of me and she was mine. She was stillborn and didn't suffer and I'm so grateful she didn't. All of that pain delivering a baby would have been so minute and nothing to me if my reward was a living baby. If that were the end result all the pain would've been totally worth it.
We stayed with her awhile and took pictures and the hospital took amazing professional pictures and made some wonderful things for us. Kya Joy was 10 inches and 11.8 ounces. Born and ascended to heaven on Oct. 12th. 2011. My grandfather also passed on the same day 2 hours before Kya did. He had a heart attack a few months before and had been on a machine in the hospital and didn't want to let go and give up. I know he was afraid to cross-over and didn't know what would be on the other side. I know it wasn't a coincidence they departed the same day, they had each other's hands.
Like everyone, I wonder why me? and whyyyyy? What caused this??? Why did MY body get so sick? Why did my baby have to be taken? Nobody knows. There are theories and the only known cure is delivery. How awful, especially if your baby isn't strong enough to make it. My OB gave me papers at the beginning of my pregnancy that told me to watch for swelling, sudden weight gain, bleeding, proteinuria, high BP. But a lot of the other papers I paid way more attention to. I glossed over it so it didn't sink in. He never even talked about it at all. I thought it was something that rarely ever happened and wasn't a big deal. I hardly knew anything about it. And my mom and mostly everyone in my family has had normal pregnancies. My blood pressure was a little on the high side but never over the mark my whole life but my heart beat would sky rocket ever since I was about 10 years old if I got upset or nervous. Varying pressures aren't good for the placental arteries.‚ But now after having Kya my blood pressure has been way higher than it ever has and I have to take BP medication everyday. Unfortunately, I've learned the hard way that you have to be diligent in life especially when it comes to health. ‚ I'm so glad that May is now Preeclampsia Awareness Month though. We need to work together and find the answers. There are answers we just need to find them.
Losing my baby girl was a nightmare but in my heart I know she was meant to come to teach and give love. I know she has great purpose for me, her dad and the rest of her family. She wants us to be happy and I know and feel that in my heart. She is an angel and she is around us all of the time. But sometimes it's hard not to bawl our eyes out from the tremendous pain in our hearts. It's the most unpleasant and disquieting feeling I've ever experienced. We miss her but she'll never be gone. She will always be in our hearts.
Here is a video about Kya with pics-
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