Courage in the dark days

Post On Monday, November 25, 2013 By Amiris

Courage in the dark days

My husband and I got married in 2009. We wanted to have kids right away and living in Spain I got pregnant 6 months after we got married. The pregnancy was not what I expected. I felt so sick not just morning sickness but it was like my body had a really bad reaction to the pregnancy. I had headaches all the time and everything hurt. We use to live 30 meters from the beach and I use to go out to walk every day until i realized that every time I went to walk my hands got swollen, some people said that it was because of the ocean and the salt and to put my hands up when I walked, but it got to the point that I just could not walked any more, all my testing was perfect and because I was a first timer they really didn't check too much. Went to emergency many times but they didn't find anything wrong although I felt that something was not right. When I was 4 months pregnant some one said to me " I don't think your belly is growing, it's suppose to start getting bigger" so I started to worry. some time around week 20, I was seated on the couch and felt the baby moving for the last time. We were getting ready to come to USA and around week 27 we went to emergency one day before taking the trip. To our surprise, our baby was dead. According to the Doctors it had been dead since the last time I felt him move at week 20. I had to do a vaginal delivery and didn't get to see my baby because of the condition of his body. That was one of the worst feelings in the world, not knowing what happened and why. Two weeks later we came to USA. It was so hard to come back home without our baby boy. 

3 months later I got pregnant again but this one only lasted 6 weeks because my body was not ready for anything. Now we knew what the problem was because my blood pressure started going up as soon as I got pregnant. We decided to take action and not get pregnant, but it was very hard because I am allergic to everything that has hormones, so I can't take pills, shoots or any other thing.

In March 2011 we left the country again, we went to Romania for 5 months. As soon as I got to Rumania there I was pregnant again. This time we said to ourselves it will be different. I was home resting all the time; ate everything organic from the garden, no salt, no extensive walking, since my husband is a nurse he will bring me IV's home from the hospital because I was throwing up too much. I went to the Dr. every week and everything was going perfect. We came back to the States in August 2011. I was almost 5 months pregnant and the baby was doing great, two weeks later I was in the Hospital because they could not control my blood pressure. I was in the Hospital for almost two months and they had to do an emergency c-section because of HELLP syndrome at 26 weeks. We very optimistic but knew that anything could happen. 4 days later our baby girls passed away. If we thought that the first lost was the worst feeling, now we were going crazy. we could take it. but God gave us strength thru pain. He helped us to over come a pain that will never go away. is a pain that you just have to learn to live with it and keep going. One of the things that helped me the most was my love for my husband and to know that he almost lost not just his baby girl but he was about to lose me too. I tried to put myself in his shoes and realized that it wasn't just about me even though I was suffering physically and emotionally. it was hard to go anywhere and see people. i couldn't go to church or any public places because there were kids every where and each one of them reminded me of my beloved Karimah-Daniela. about a year later we decided to adopted, I filled out all of the paper work but on our vacation on November 2012 we found out I was pregnant "Again"... we did everything we had to do. Went to the Dr, specialists, every weeks I was at the Dr. for 7 1/2 months I was in bed rest. I left everything so nothing will bring my blood pressure up. but at 7 1/2 months (30 weeks) my body could not take it anymore, the baby stopped growing and I was almost going into HELLP syndrome again, only this time the outcome could of been worst for me since pre-eclampcia get worst with time and with age. our baby boy was born on June 2, 2013. 2 1/2 pounds but very healthy. he spent almost 2 months in the NICU and now he is almost 6 months. He is the most beautiful baby ever (he really is ) :)... 

Now I am preparing myself emotionally and mentally to be an advocate for women that go thru the same things that I went. I can talk to them about miscarriages, c-section, pre-eclampsia and so many other things. After all of my experiences I feel that I have become an expert in all of this subject so I want to support and give a little strength to other women.

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