I don't talk about my little girl a lot. I think of her all of

Post On Saturday, September 24, 2005 By

I don't talk about my little girl a lot. I think of her all of
I don't talk about my little girl a lot. I think of her all of the time, but I try not to think of it everyday because if I did I would be in a psychiatric unit. I found out that I was pregnant when I was 17, and on a Saturday morning. I hadn't been feeling to well so I had been to the doctor the day before that, and had some routine blood tests run for people not feeling well, and Saturday morning the doctor's office called me to tell me about the positive test, and I hadn't even thought that I was pregnant, that wasn't even a thought to me, even though I had been getting sick every morning for a while. Anyway....the nurse told me that my pregnancy test was positive, and I said "excuse me," and she repeated herself, and I was so very EXCITED. I was a smoker at the time, and always promised my self that if I ever became pregnant I would quit smoking that very minute.So...I quit smoking that very minute. I really didn't believe her for some reason, so I got ready for the day, and went to a place in Wooster called The Pregnancy Care Center, and they did another test for me, and it was positive. So then I knew for a fact that it was true. They told me that when I had the baby, they would bring me a package for my girl, or boy baby, shortly after I had "BABY". From that moment on, I ate right, took all of my vitamins, and did EVERYTHING RIGHT. I read every book about pregnancy that I could get my hands on, to see what the baby was doing, and how "she" was developing every month. I was SO HAPPY....the thought of being a mother was the most beautiful thought that I had ever imagined. I stayed sick with morning sickness for another month, or so, and even enjoyed the first stretch mark. I Loved the first 5 months of my pregnancy. I never knew if I was going to have a boy, or girl though. I didn't want to know at that time. I had bi-weekly doctor's appointments at that time, and my Dr....Dr. Brown.....(I HATE HIM) ... had cancelled an appointment with me for that day that I was supposed to go see him. He had and emergency delivery at the hospital...his nurse said. None of the other Doctor's were able to see me that day either. By this time there was a lot of swelling. I being 17, and not knowing all of the facts that are hidden out there about pregnancy thought that all of my swelling was normal. When I would walk.....oh my gosh...I thought that my feet were going to rip in half, and my hands were so tight, and the same way, and everyone in my family thought that the swelling was normal, I told them about it over the phone, so they hadn't had a chance to see me to see that I was more swollen than I should have been. All of the swelling came about in like 2 days....that is what it seemed like. Anyway, when I finally made it to the Doctor's office two days later, they weighed me, and realized that I had gained 13 lbs, in like 2 weeks, and so they had me go the exam room, like normal, and the nurse took my blood pressure, and then she took it again, and then on the other arm, and then she had me lay down to see if that would help when she took it (BP) again. Then she asked me If I normally had high blood pressure, and I said no, and looked at my boyfriend..( baby's dad), and immediately started crying. I just knew something wasn't right. So she had me lay on my side...again... and waited about 10 minutes, and then took it again. Still very high...160/125. So they immediately sent me over to the hospital. It was right across the road. Up to Labor & Delivery I went. They put me in a room, and I was VERY upset, they had already called for an ambulance to Akron City Hospital. The nurse there took the baby's heart rate, and it was fine. My blood pressure just kept going up. They started an IV on me..tried to anyway..and finally got it on the 3rd try. I just cried. When the squad got there, they took me, and put me in it, and I was VERY queasy on the ride to the hospital, and there are parts that I don't remember, due to the swelling of the brain. When we arrived, I remember them putting me in a private room, and I got sick to my stomach, and vomited several times, and still just had no clue what was going on with me. Finally I was told I had Pre-Eclampsia I stayed there that night, and my sister called me a lot to talk, and keep me company. In the morning after a night of checking my blood pressure..I mean all night sleeping with the cuff on, and it going off every 10 minutes, and being on medicine, and them checking the baby's heart rate they detected protien in my urine. The next morning they told me that my dad's insurance ( I was still in school, and under 18) would not pay for me to stay At Akron City any longer. I had only been there 1 night. But they transported me to Akron General Medical Center by ambulance, and put me in his little room across form the nurses station. My family stayed with me almost the whole time I was there....I think I was only in there 1, or 2 days. That is when it happened.....the 1st seizure. I remember my legs started to jerk, and I couldn't stop it. I looked at me grandma, and said what's wrong, I can't stop it. She said....its okay, Laura.....I think she knew what was happening, but just tried to comfort me by telling me that it's okay. That is all I remember, when I woke up my grandma was there. I had bit my tongue during the seizure, and it was so sore. Everybody stayed with me for the rest of the day. The doctor came in to talk to me about having the baby, and explained that I had a condition called....Eclampsia In the stage I was in. Which can mean death. I didn't want to...of course...you know...have the baby because I still had four months to go, and he told me that I could die if I didn't have the baby, I wasn't wanting to reason with him. I wanted my baby to be okay. I was very angry, and was rude with him, and said "FINE." You know I didn't have a clue how sick I was. All I wanted to do was to be able to take the baby home. And I don't remember what all happened the rest of the day. They started me on Magnesium Sulfate, to help the convulsions. That night, after my family went home...(my grandma, and sister Heather).....I had to go to the restroom, and I was so sick, I could hardly walk, or stand up for that matter. I was on the phone with my sister Heather, and I told her that I had rang the buzzer for a while to get the nurse to come, and help me. I guess it was like 10 minutes, and was calling out to them to help me. Heather hung up with me, so that she could call the nurses station to tell them to help me. They listened to her and...finally came in to help me, and that is all I remember of that night. I was moved in to the room where I was going to have the baby, and they kept checking my BP. I still had to sleep with the thing on, and it still went off every 10 minutes. I still through all of this had no clue what the severity of any of it was. All I knew at that time was....they wanted to take my baby, and I didn't want to give her away. I knew she wasn't going to live, and that I wasn't going to be able to take her home, so I was VERY rude to all of the nurses, and doctors. They never treated me with disrespect....about me being rude that is. They used seaweed sticks to dilate me. I had bad labor pains, and can't even remember how long I was in labor. They came in to give me an epidural, and after that, I layed down, and I said that I had to do #2, and they said that I didn't nedd to do #2, that I was ready to have her. So the epidural didn't even have time to work. I pushed one time real hard, and I felt her (baby girl) come out. Savannah Jean Davis Her helpless little body. They took her, and cleaned me up, and then came in to let me hold her, and I told them to take her away, I didn't want to see, or hold her. They took her out of the room, and Heather asked the nurse if she could hold her, and the nurse said, not if Laura won't hold her. So my grandma came in to talk to me, and told me "Laura, if you don't hold this little girl, you will regret it for the rest of your life"........so I held her. I opened her little mouth, and I can still hear that suction noise that it made. I pulled on of her eyes open too. She was mine, and I wanted to see all that I could. I didn't even know until after I came home......my grandma told me that she was alive when I held her. She had heard me say something about her already being dead. But she wasn't. She felt my touch. Her Mommy's touch. That she would only feel that one time, and as for myself...my heart was completely broken. Grandma also told me that I played with her little hands, and legs. I sure wish that I could remember. My little girl lived for 55 minutes, and then fell quietly asleep. Bless her heart. I wanted to go home so bad, I kept asking the Doctor when I could. He had to get my medicine levels to where he wanted them first. I just wanted to go home so bad. He put me on this new blood pressure medicine, right before he released me the next morning. He didn't even wait to see if it was going to work, or anything. Heather bought me this beautiful night gown, and matching robe to wear in the hospital, and just for me. I wore it to go home. So I went home without my baby....with my grandma, in her station wagon. Heather had also come up to help with me. I was on my way home. I had been home for several hours, and my boyfriend was at work. I had started to see spots. So my grandma called him at work, and he came home, and rushed me back up to the ER in Akron. They were so busy. They checked my BP, and it was so HIGH 230/194. So they put me in this room, and just left me there....with my BP that high. For like 3 hours I was told by my baby's dad. It was so horrible. My head hurt so bad. I had the nurse shut off the light for me.When they came back, the doctor had decided to put me on different BP medicine. Then they released me, and sent me home. As soon as I got in the car, I remember my head tipping down, and everything going black. My boyfriend said that I still talked to him for a second, and then about 30 seconds later, as soon as he got on the highway.....he realized something was very wrong......another seizure. He said that I was foaming at the mouth, and had bit my tongue again, and there was blood all over. He said he never drove so fast in his life. He made it off the highway, and got to a gas station, and screamed for someone to call the ambulance. I woke up in this little room after I was back in the hospital, and my grandma was there, and my sister Heather. They were always with me. They told me what happened. Then they moved me to this room, and put me on this new medicine for BP....called Procardia. It worked for me. They had me stay there for 2 days to get my levels where they wanted them to be. I needed to take a shower, so Heather helped me do that. I was on the floor where all of the new mothers were. I hated that. Walking right by the window with all of the babies in the nursery.....How heartbreaking. Not to mention disrespectful. I took my shower, and Heather combed my very tangled hair for me. I asked her if I could please have my gown, and robe back. See, I had a seizure in it the first time I had worn it, and just didn't want to wear it again, but I did. It was so BEAUTIFUL. So she gave it to me without a second thought. After all of that, I thought that was going to have to have a DNC too. I had huge blood clots coming from my uterus for a couple of days. But I didn't... Thank goodness. So I finally got to go home, and stay there. For like a year after that, I had very bad panic attacks. When I would get ringing in my ear, or anything. Because I remember going into my seizures. So anything that reminded me of that made me have the panic attacks. I couldn't even leave home for albout a year. I also HATED PREGNANT PEOPLE. VERY MUCH FOR A VERY LONG TIME......Why were they so lucky to have a healthy baby, but I am not. I got to get off my seizure meds...Dilantin, and BP meds....Procardia....Finally.Let it be known that... I HATE PEOPLE TO THIS DAY THAT HARM THEIR BABIES, AND PEOPLE THAT HAVE TO MANY CHILDREN TO TAKE CARE OF, AND PEOPLE ON DRUGS THAT HAVE BABIES. It has been 6 years this past April 6, 2002, and I am still deathly afraid to get pregnant again. And I would like to add..........Thank God for my Family. Please feel free to e-mail me @ LauraJean77@aol.com
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