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In January of 2007, my husband and I started trying to conceive what was to

Posted On Tuesday, December 02, 2008  by

In January of 2007, my husband and I started trying to conceive what was to be our last child. I found out in March that I was pregnant. In what was described as unrelated to my subsequent HELLP, that baby was lost at 8 weeks gestation.  By August 2007, I was pregnant again.  Everything went fine until 20 weeks, when I was diagnosed with preeclampsia, and was told to prepare for a delivery at 32 weeks.  Within 1 week of the diagnosis, I was rushed by ambulance to the hospital that had a NICU that could handle such an early delivery.  The perinatologists tried to convince my husband and I to allow them to deliver our daughter at 20 weeks, but we refused, insisting that if we did that, we were signing her death certificate. We wanted to give her as much of a chance of survival as we could. My sister contacted another hospital in Boston, MA who advised her that if I could make it to 24 weeks, they would do all they could to help my daughter.  All I wanted to do was make it past 20.  As the days went on, I praised God for getting me through another day with my baby in my belly. By 23 weeks, I was in utter agony, and in addition to the HELLP, I was experiencing kidney failure, and I was nearly double in physical size.  I finally consented to the delivery. My little girl, Jennifer Rugan, was born alive and fought very hard to survive. She suffered greatly because in addition to being tiny, she had DIC (which caused her to nearly bleed to death), kidney failure and high blood sugars.  They were continually transfusing her, giving her insulin and fluids to try to kick-start her tiny body to work, but none of it did.  Finally, my husband and I decided that it was time to let her go.  She was 2 days old.  In the wake of our loss and as an outlet for our grief, we decided to start a non-profit organization to help others who have lost a baby, whether due to newborn death, stillbirth or early miscarriage.  We are trying to connect with others who have experienced this, but have not found many who are willing to.  We have a website, and a myspace page, and can give anyone the addresses if you e-mail us requesting them.

" When you come to the end of all the light you know, and it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen: either you will be given something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly." ~Anonymous
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