I've always dreamed of the day I would have my first child. I envisioned everyone
I've always dreamed of the day I would have my first child. I envisioned everyone waiting with anticipation in the waiting room...my husband by my side seeing the miracle of birth and then telling everyone "It's a girl" or "It's a boy". Well, it basically didn't go the way "I" had planned. Here is my story:
First I'd like to introduce myself. My name is Kim. I have been married to my best friend for over 7 years. I have a beautiful 4 year old daughter and I'm a NICU nurse at a level III hospital in the Chicagoland area. I am truly blessed and grateful for all I've been given.
My husband and I started trying to conceive when I was 32. We had a hard time getting pregnant, so we started the process of infertility. I had a hysterosalpingogram done and to my surprise, we were pregnant by the next month! We were thrilled!!! All went well with my pregnancy until I had my 28 week glucose test. I soon found I had gestational diabetes and was determined to diet control this throughout my pregnancy. So I took my supplies to work and did what I was told. I laid off the sweets and took good care of myself. That night at work my stomach would tighten up and relax...about every 3-4 min. I had no idea what to think, so I worked 12 hours like this (yes, not very wise on my part...but I didn't think it was anything). I knew I had a doctors appt the next morning so I decided to wait it out. At my Dr's office he ran some test and promptly sent me to the hospital. There I found I was contracting every 3-4 min, but no changes to my cervix. I wasn't in labor, just premature contractions. I was given medicine to stop them and was put on permanent work leave (they said I had the "Nurse Curse" ;-). So I went about my days...watching what I was eating and watching for the contractions.
My Mother fell ill and had to go to the hospital herself. There she had emergency surgery to take her appendix out. I was on my way to see her, when I suddenly started to contract again. Back to the hospital I went and back to my perinatologist for more test. They put me on Indocin, which helped stop them. I responded well. Finally I found something that worked. So here I am... gestational diabetes, preterm contractions, mother in hospital and praying for my baby to make it term (remember I work in a NICU...some things you are better not knowing). So I stopped taking Indocin at 32 weeks because it can have an adverse affect on the babies kidneys. I was closely monitored still.
About 2 weeks later I noticed my feet swelling. I went to my Dr.'s office for my checkup and realized that my B/P was 200/97. The nurse seemed very freighted and called the Dr. in right away. My Dr told me to go to the hospital ASAP. Needless to say we didn't get my bags...just went straight there. My perinatologist did an amnio to check for lung maturity and wanted to wait for delivery...Thank GOD my OB overruled him, because I had full blown HELLP syndrome! My daughter came out kicking and screaming (via C-section...she was breach) and weighed 6lbs. I felt them cutting me so they knocked me out under general anesthesia as soon as she was out. My poor husband was a wreck. No one was at the hospital because 1. My Mother had emergency surgery again because she developed an infection from her previous surgery..she almost died, 2. my Mother in Law was flying in from FL for my baby shower (didn't get to go to that), 3. Too many people lived far away and we didn't have time to call. So it was just my husband and I. I tired to stay calm because I didn't want to scare him. When they told me I had HELLP I was devastated. They padded my bed, told me I was to have no visitors and was monitoring me around the clock. I gained about 20lbs from the edema. I had upper gastric pain and was bed bound with SCD's and a foley. They had given me about 4L of fluid through my IV and I was urinating about 40 mls. My organs were taking a hit. I tried desperately to block it out and to just focus on my child and husband. She was perfect in every way and so healthy at 34 weeks!!!! I on the other hand, wasn't.
I ended up staying in the hospital for 7 days. I was put on blood pressure medication a couple of weeks after I was discharged. My Mother was finally able to see my daughter after 2 weeks. I had my "baby shower" in my living room with my Mother in Law and Husband. It wasn't the perfect birth, but we ended up healthy and alive!
We tried for #2 with no luck. Did four rounds of IUI's then we decided to call it quits. I am very sad that I will never know my "other child" I am now 37 years old. Part of me knows that it's too risky to get pregnant again. I want to be around for my family and the possibility of having a preemie lingers in my mind. My family doesn't really know the effects this has had on me. I keep it all in to protect them, when I know I'm hurting myself. Reading other stories has helped me and I'm so happy there are websites for HELLP awareness. Like I've said, I am blessed. God guided me though and kept "Us" safe.
After surviving a very traumatic first pregnancy with a nightmare delivery (30 hours of magnesium-induced hell, ending in an emergency c-section) and even more debilitating recovery, one would think I was DONE having children. Let's be ...