Hi there. My name is Christina. I have recently lost my son. I was diagnosed
Hi there. My name is Christina. I have recently lost my son. I was diagnosed with preeclampsia about 5 weeks ago and it turned into HELLP. It has been two weeks now since I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. He weighed 1 pound and 1oz. He was 11 and a half inches long and looked so much like his daddy. I was 23 weeks and 1 day. We named him Zac Phillip Alphones Ducharme.
It all started one morning I woke up and noticed my face was a little puffy. I wasn't too worried but I went to the hospital to my doctor anyways. First of all I live in a small town so when we found out my blood pressure was high, he sent me to the nearest city where I had a baby doctor. I was in the hospital for 4 days, then I was sent home and told to rest and eat healthy. So I did and I went back for a checkup about 3 days later. My blood pressure was higher even though I was on medication. So I was sent back to the city this time for a week. I was so scared and I didn't really understand what was going on. I had no idea at that time that I was going to lose my baby or be so sick. I felt fine for the most part. I came home after a week with things not looking as good. I was home for just under a week and got sent back to the city with protein in my urine and still high blood pressure. I was there for 2 days and then we got the news I was going to have to be rushed to another city. We got there a few hours later and there were people everywhere talking to us about having a premature baby and all of that.
It was scary but I thought at least I will have my baby. At least he/she will be okay and alive. The next day came and I was taken for a Fetal Assessment. I was in heaven watching my baby move around and seeing tiny feet. Then I got the news he was a boy. My heart filled up and he became so real in my mind and about 10 minutes later I was told my son was not going to make it. I had to deliver today or I was going to become really sick and my organs would start to fail. My heart broke. I wasn't scared for me. I was hurting so bad knowing I was so weak I couldn't keep my own child safe. I had no idea what to think. I just cried and cried. My fiance came to the hospital a few minutes later. All happy thinking we were finally going to be okay, the baby would be small but he would be okay. I told him it was a boy and I started to cry. He didn't understand why I was crying and I then I had to tell him that I would be induced in a few short hours and the baby, our beloved son would not make it. It was a flood of emotions I was blaming myself. I was hurting.
We called our parents to come into the city, told them of the news. and they cried. He is my parents' first grandchild and my inlaws first grandchild as well. I was induced at 3 labor pains at 3:30 and by 9:30 it was in full force. At 10:58 Sunday June 6th 2010 I had my baby boy. He was only with us for a few moments but made such a big difference in our lives. We went from being normal young adults to being a mom and a dad in seconds. When I was pushing, I stopped for a brief moment and wouldn't push it hurt so much to know I was bringing my son into this world only for him to be taken from me. We spent about 4 hours with him. He was not alive the full 4 hours. We held him and admired him and cried. Our parents were there holding their first grandson. We then got our son baptized. I couldn't sleep that night much. My heart hurt too much. The next day was hard. I was moving around on my own and the doctors thought I was improving. We made arrangements to have our son cremated and visited with family. Later that night, we were still in the hospital we were just going to sleep and I started getting epigastric pains. I was hurting so much. I was throwing up and felt like death. The doctors and nurses rushed into my room and took me to a new room and put me on Morphine and Magnesium Sulfate. There were a few other things I was on but don't really remember. They put a heart catheter in as well as a catheter. I thought I was going to die. I was scared for me for the first time. I hadn't had any sleep. I had just had a baby and I was tired and I was forced to sleep. I woke up a day later and slowly started to get better. Five days later I was released from the hospital and was able to come back home. It has been two weeks since I have given birth and a week since I have been out of the hospital. I am still light headed and tons of headaches, but I am slowly coming off all of my medication. I should be high BP free in a few weeks. I wish walking out of the hospital is where it would end, but the pain doesn't go away.
I ache for my son everyday and I know that will be a part of my everyday for the rest of my life. I sit and look at his little urn and all the pictures, and I know he saved my life. Now we have our very own special angel. I cry everyday, many times a day actually, and it hurts a ton everyday. But I have to keep going. I will always remember my son and he will be apart of our daily lives always.
After surviving a very traumatic first pregnancy with a nightmare delivery (30 hours of magnesium-induced hell, ending in an emergency c-section) and even more debilitating recovery, one would think I was DONE having children. Let's be ...