My First Born

Posted On Thursday, February 10, 2011  by Jasmine

I was so happy when I found out I was pregnant, however I was still in college and I knew my family would not approve. Some people even brought up abortion as an option. I already had two abortions, and I deeply regret them. So I was a little on edge about how to break the news to my family. Most of my family was disappointed, but not mad.

The entire pregnancy was smooth compared to stories I've heard about pregnancy being awful. I went to a monthly prenatal check-up as usual, but this time the nurse told me my blood pressure was 110/70 which is below average. The following month the nurse told me that my blood pressure was a little high, 130/90. Apparently my blood pressure was not high enough for her to inform me of preeclampsia, because she didn't. So another month went by, and three days before my next appointment, on Jan 22, I called my mother and told her that I had been having headaches everyday for the past few days and Tylenol was not working. She told me to call my doctor immediately because I may have to get my blood pressure checked again. I did as I was told and my doctor said the exact same thing. He told me to go to the hospital and have my blood pressure checked. So I called my grandmother and asked her to take me. At that point I was 28 weeks pregnant.

I checked into the hospital and the nurse came in to listen to the baby's heartbeat. She could not find it, so she asked the doctor to do an ultrasound. The doctor could not find the heartbeat either. She went to get another doctor to see if he could find the baby's heartbeat. After several minutes of searching, he looked at me and said, "I'm so sorry." The first doctor said, "The baby's heart stopped." I immediately started crying and my grandmother comforted me. I asked the doctor what was next and she said that they were going to move me into a delivery room because I had to deliver the baby or my health would be in even more danger than it already was. So my grandmother stayed for a while until my boyfriend got off work, then she went to pick him up. He came in, already aware of the news, and just sat by the bed. I was given magnesium to prevent seizures, and a catheter because I was not permitted to get out of the bed for the next three days. On Jan 24, I delivered my son as a stillbirth. He was 1 lb. 1 oz. and was my precious little boy that God kept from me.

At first I was sad because I had built up so much love for him, and prepared to give up everything to make his life awesome, and would never get the chance to do that. I was going to be the first one to give my great-grandmother her first great great-grandchild. I began to pray and think that God does everything for a reason and there had to be a reason why my baby was taken from me. I realized that God has a plan for me and since I was a child that plan included finishing college and becoming successful. Not to say that I couldn't have finished college with a child, but it would've been very complicated. God wants me to finish school and raise a family after, not the other way around, so I will be attending school this fall, maybe this summer if I can afford it. I plan to become the first person in my family to graduate college, and I will have my family when God, I, and my boyfriend (future husband) are ready.