Where do I begin Sometimes it all seems like a blur to me, one long
Where do I begin? Sometimes it all seems like a blur to me, one long recurring nightmare that always has the same ending.
After years of being told I would never have children due to endometriosis I found a doctor in Utah who had given me hope. He performed my second surgery just before my 21st birthday and gave me one to conceive. I thought "Great! That's better than never being able to have children." Anyway 2 weeks before my 22 birthday, my fiance and I found out we were, alas, pregnant! We were so happy it took us so long to conceive this bundle that would bring so much joy into everyone's lives around her!
My Pregnancy started off wonderful. I was only gaining 1/2 a pound to a pound a month; my signs were great. Hey, I could fit into jeans! Anyway towards my 5th or 6th month I started to put in a little more weight and I started to notice spots and a slight headache. I informed my doctor. He said okay and took my BP. It was okay - 129/70 - somewhere along those lines. He told me everything was fine and not to worry. I said okay and went home.
My next prenatal apt. I had still put on quite a bit more weight but my BP was "normal." I was also very swollen, So swollen I had to wear Teva sandals and I could not close the straps and I could barely walk without getting tingles in my feet. I was concerned they ran some tests and said it was most likely due to the summer sun and I should refrain from eating salty foods. Okay but I don't eat salty foods. Well, this went on up until my last few weeks. By the time I had my 3rd to last doctors apt. I had gained 26 pounds in one week, yet my BP was within normal limits 148/79. They sent me to the hospital for a non-stress test and it came back fine!
I was relieved but then something strange started to happen I wasn't feeling her kick as often as usual. I called the office they said that is was normal to feel less activity during the last few weeks.
Now we come to my second to last apt. The Doctor wasn't in the office - he was delivering a baby, so as usual the nurse took my BP, my weight and a urine sample. She sent me home. I called later that day with a headache. I was told to take some Tylenol and go to bed. This is where I always get jumbled. It was either that night or the next night I felt like I was going into labor. So I waited just like they said.Wait until the contractions are 5 minutes apart or too much to handle.
Well, the pain got pretty bad so I went to the hospital. When I got there they hooked me up to a monitor and they weren't really seeing any contractions. Now they needed a urine sample. I was unable to pee ; I had no urine. I came back to the bed and that's when the nurses started to panic.....There was no heartbeat. They had Duane (my fiance) rock me back and forth on my side. I guess they were trying to stimulate her or something. They called my doctor. It seemed to take him forever to get there. When he got there he broke my bag of water. There was blood everywhere . Was that from me or from her? I wasn't sure yet. He then confirmed that she had died. I was supposed to deliver vaginally because my BP was still "normal" 155/82 or something.
Well, something happened, I guess I wasn't responding. I was turning critical. Truth be told I wanted to die. My BP sky rocketed and they needed to perform an emergency c-section. My liver function had stopped and so had my kidneys. My body formed a clotting disease against itself. I was bleeding out and I was dying. I had gone from preeclamptic to eclamptic but I don't really remember any of this. I don't even remember being sick. My mom told my later when I woke up 2 days later in ICU that I had a slight seizure and I had to stay here a while. I stayed in ICU for a week or so. I had a blood transfusion, a platelet transfusion, and 5 IV's all at once, but I was going to be okay. I found out later that I had protein in my urine, elevated BP and extreme weight gain at that last doctors apt. I should have been sent to the hospital, not home. I also found out that BP in the high 130's is too high for me because my normal BP is 100/60. My total weight gain was over 130 pounds and protein or no protein I needed to be in the hospital.
I am still so shocked over the loss of my daughter, McKenzie Grace Serena, but within me and everyone who loved her, her memory will always live on. She was born on July 28, 2000 at 9:56am. She weighed 5lbs. 9oz and was 19 inches long. I hope that through my loss and the loss of so many others that we are able to find a cure or treatment to end this awful disease.
Ethan will be turning 3 at the end of this month (October). The month of October always brings up some scary memories and emotions for me... I never thought I would have a difficult pregnancy or labor. After all...