Can't do this anymore

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support
joker
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Joined: Wed Jul 18, 2007 10:55 am

Re : Can't do this anymore

Postby joker » Sat Jul 28, 2007 11:49 pm

I am so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel...I recently lost my daughter to severe PE at 18 weeks. People keep saying to me that it will be better when things get back to "normal". My response to them is "I'm not sure what normal is now." That pretty much shuts them up. Or people say to me, your young (30) you have plenty of time to have kids...if they only knew that having another baby may not be an option for me, they might keep their thoughts to themselves.

There are no guarantees. And this reality we are in right now just sucks. I am so sorry for your loss.

thixson
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Re : Can't do this anymore

Postby thixson » Wed Jul 25, 2007 11:54 pm

I cannot even imagine what you are going through. It makes me so angry to think of all those people that get pregnant and have babies and then are horrible parents. Why does god give people like this beautiful children, and take them away from people like you??? I am so sorry for your loss. I felt so bad when I looked at your website. My stomach dropped... God bless you!

yvemmar
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Joined: Sat Jul 14, 2007 11:59 pm

Re : Can't do this anymore

Postby yvemmar » Thu Jul 19, 2007 09:52 pm

Nikkole, My daughter, Destiny, died on June 1, 2007 and I understand completely how you're feeling right now. I'm sure we'll both feel better as time goes on, but now the emotions are so new and raw. I agree with you that many people around do not understand. Many of my friends and family members act as if I had a miscarriage and say things like "It wasn't meant to be" or "you'll have another child". We may have other children, but that doesn't take away the pain of losing Destiny or Ella! I have found strength through lots of prayer. I considered taking an anti=anxiety pill as suggested by my ob/gyn, but I decided against it. I have considered therapy, but I haven't gotten around to it yet. Have you considered therapy? My husband and I went away for a few days, and that seemed to help. It was good to get away from my normal surroundings in order to get stronger. I have good days and bad days, but I feel much better since I found this website. I hope it will do the same for you. God Bless you, and stay strong.

kat
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Re : Can't do this anymore

Postby kat » Thu Jul 19, 2007 12:23 am

Nikkole, I am so sorry for your loss. I know words can't even begin to touch the pain you feel. I've been where you are, and it sucks way beyond words. I didn't know what to do with myself, let alone being able to deal with the outside world. Everyone grieves differently. Please don't try to rush yourself, and don't let anyone else try to rush you either. Most people don't have the slightest clue of what we have been through or how we feel. Sometimes our families can make it worse because they don't understand, and they don't know what to say or do.
After we lost Sydney, almost everyone in my family decided to just ignore what we had gone through, and they haven't spoken of her since. I know that is easier for them because they don't know what to say, but it makes me feel like they don't care about her.
It is just so very hard. I will be thinking of you, and I wish you peace.

mrs. sagara
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Re : Can't do this anymore

Postby mrs. sagara » Mon Jul 16, 2007 09:00 pm

Dear Nikkole,

I am so sorry for your loss. Like some of the ladies here I have suffered multiple losses.

I believe that everyone handles grief differently. I for one am much like you. Yes, it does get better with time but you are never the same again.

That is a reality that is hard to bear at times.
For example, today I am having a very bad day.
I am crying and crying for the dreams that were not be. I am angry as well because I think back to the hopes that I once had and that now are tainted.
I see myself as a bitter person at times, negative, depressed, anxious and I wonder if one day I will be able to accept myself as the person that I see myself becoming.

I have always been a fighter but now I second guess myself.

My relationships with others have suffered, my faith has wavered, my marriage thankfully is the one thing that sustains me as a person.

I saw a show recently where a mother lost her son and husband in an instant. She had tried to do everything right in her life and did not understand how the most important people in her life were taken away.
She too did not want to live thinking of what had been lost. Until one day she internalized that she had had the opportunity to be given a son and a husband and that had been a blessing for which she should be happy.

I wish I could be that kind of person. In my heart I want to strive for that. However, for now I know that what I am feeling is also normal and that maybe one day I will find peace in my heart.

I wish the same to you Nikkole. Let's not give up the dream however much pain we are feeling. Many hugs and prayers.

imemc3
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Joined: Fri May 18, 2007 05:16 pm

Re : Can't do this anymore

Postby imemc3 » Thu Jul 12, 2007 04:12 pm

Nikkole,

I am so sorry you are feeling so much pain right now. You are in my thoughts and prayers! We lost our little girl in Sept of 2006 and it still feels like it was yesterday. The pain eases with time. My husband and I are trying again and hopefully we will get positive results soon. Hopefully HELLP will not strike again but if it does hopefully it will be later in the pregnancy and so the baby will have better chance of survival. We will keep trying until we have a brother and/or sister here on Earth for Emily. There are good days and bad days and there are more good days with time. Please do not give up on yourself! Keep going for Ella! I am sure she is up in heaven wishing her Mommy not to be sad. There are a lot of stories on this forum that give us hope. The forum has been such a blessing! If we give up we will never know if our future stories will have a happy ending and if we will have a beautiful baby to hold in our arm sand to raise. When it happens we will have more appreciation for a beautiful babies and cherrish every moment. Lets not give up and keep trying so we can be here to watch our future babies grow! I am sorry that your family does not understand. I understand to friend thing. They are there for you in the beginning but then they eventually get on with there lives. This is OK becuase this has pushed me to connect back with the world and to reach out to others who are going through the same thing. Friends are there when you need them but they are experiencing some pain because of our loss. Some have a hard time dealing with our situation and do not know how to handle it. With time others begin to open up and realize it is OK to ask how you are doing and that it is OK to talk about the loss. I am praying for you! Please do not give up!

aaronsmommy
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Posts: 56
Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2006 08:20 pm

Re : Can't do this anymore

Postby aaronsmommy » Thu Jul 12, 2007 08:44 am

Nikkole,

I am sorry you are going through all of this. It just sucks. I haven't posted here in a little while, but it's been over a year for us and I still occasionally have days like that, but I remember those days well. Vent here any time...it helps!


mrs.magdaleno
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Re : Can't do this anymore

Postby mrs.magdaleno » Mon Jul 09, 2007 06:53 pm

I'm so sorry, Nikkole.

I agree with Charity, I, too, have had to find a new normal life to live. It was hard and it took me a good year and therapy but I am doing it. I am still learning that the world is full of insensitive people...even the ones you love.

Many hugs to you. We are here for you. I wish you peace!

for faith
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Re : Can't do this anymore

Postby for faith » Mon Jul 09, 2007 05:15 pm

Nikkole - I am so, so sorry......I too know all those feeling and it is so, so hard :(. My daughter Faith, similar to Ella, lived for 25 days and passed due to preemie complications. The emotions of the NICU were so, so hard too, sometimes I don't know how I made it. I so understand how incredibly hard that was :(. Everyone has said wonderful things here, I so agree and just want to say again, we are here for you. Thinking of you, lots of hugs.....

annes
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Re : Can't do this anymore

Postby annes » Mon Jul 09, 2007 01:17 pm

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. This grief was like nothing I had ever experienced before, and that anyone elses has ever had to go through it breaks my heart. My best advice, which is admittedly not very good, is to break things down into manageable pieces, like I want to get X done this afternoon (like the dishes), and if they don't get done, try again tomorrow. You and your dh need to take care of yourselves right now, you can't worry about anyone else. It does get better, it takes a long time, but it does.


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