Feel bad about visitors

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support
Registered User
Posts: 1114
Joined: Sat Jan 12, 636718 7:08 pm

Re : Feel bad about visitors

Postby kathyc » Fri Oct 30, 638612 8:43 am

Thinking about you, Jamie. *hugs*

Registered User
Posts: 1019
Joined: Thu Nov 01, 638001 9:47 pm

Re : Feel bad about visitors

Postby wrennie » Wed Oct 07, 638612 2:15 am

Jamie, just to chime in...I am glad your able to set some small goals to help you through the day. Its so hard and my heart breaks for you, but your doing a good job taking care of yourself and that is really important. DOnt worry about other people, they will understand and be there whenever your ready. Focus on you and your DH, you need each other and need to process this together. Its about taking small steps and getting through the days.

take it easy on yourself, sending big hugs!

Registered User
Posts: 151
Joined: Thu Aug 14, 638606 8:30 am

Re : Feel bad about visitors

Postby shierman » Tue Oct 06, 638612 11:53 am

I ignored the phone and email, but I did force myself to see people. Got together with family or friends at least once per week, just so I had a chance to talk about my son and make him real to everyone who didn't get to see him. I tried to be as "normal" as I could- showering every day, taking a daily walk, etc. Through all of it, I was obviously sad, but also hateful of the situation. But, every time I talked about it and every time I did something for myself, it brought me one step closer in the healing process.

My point in sharing this is to say that everyone needs to deal with it in their own way. However you choose to handle it is OK and believe me when I say that the people who love you and your husband will understand no matter how you choose to handle it. They will follow your cues and be there for you when you decide you're ready.

Registered User
Posts: 202
Joined: Tue Feb 26, 638318 10:43 am
Location: Nashville, TN

Re : Feel bad about visitors

Postby beth11 » Tue Oct 06, 638612 12:09 am

It sounds like you're doing remarkably, really.

When people offered to bring us food, DH thanked them profusely - and asked them to leave it at the side door. If I had had to chose between being "on" in front of people or starving - I probably would have starved! I was just too sick, not to mention mourning. As for the house and etc., consider asking or paying someone to come in and help you. You can hole up in your bedroom with the door close while they're there.

Forum Moderator
Posts: 2527
Joined: Sat Dec 09, 637015 12:22 am

Re : Feel bad about visitors

Postby annes » Mon Oct 05, 638612 6:47 pm

Agreeing with what all the others have said. For the first month I got up, took my older son to daycare came back, sat on the couch for ten hours pretending to watch TV, went and got my son, came home and went to bed as soon as I could. The day I picked up Griffin's ashes was really hard, but it was also nice to have him home. In fact he still is home with us, in the living room. HUGS to you and your dh today, take care of each other and yourselves.

Registered User
Posts: 567
Joined: Fri Jan 19, 638306 11:57 pm

Re : Feel bad about visitors

Postby brianned5 » Mon Oct 05, 638612 6:43 pm

Small goals are good. I would find the energy to bathe about once a week. I didn't like talking on the phone at all. I hated so much of what people would say to me. I was 10 pounds thinner than when I got pregnant and I put all the clothes up I had wore with her. I was a complete mess and I still get that way from time to time. This is a rough road we're on and you can only do what you feel like you're able to. People need to understand that.

Forum Moderator
Posts: 1851
Joined: Mon May 24, 637019 8:08 pm
Location: Utah

Re : Feel bad about visitors

Postby jenndola » Mon Oct 05, 638612 12:34 am

Jamie, I'm pretty sure I spent the first month in sweats after losing Maggie. Showering sounds incredibly ambitious. In fact, I spent the first week home at my parents' house because I was, quite frankly, completely unable to care for myself. Bottom line, like everyone said, is to take care of you. Do whatever works so that you can survive. Please know I'm thinking about you.

Registered User
Posts: 91
Joined: Sun Mar 12, 637989 6:58 pm

Re : Feel bad about visitors

Postby jenniferf » Fri Sep 25, 638612 8:25 pm

Jamie, Everyone is right. This is time for you to heal. Do what's right for you, don't worry about anyone else. Please be gentle on yourself. Take care.

User avatar
Forum Moderator
Posts: 2360
Joined: Mon Jan 25, 637041 8:30 am
Location: Central, PA

Re : Feel bad about visitors

Postby rosemary » Fri Sep 25, 638612 8:11 pm

Jamie, as the other gals have said, don't worry about visitors. This is your time to focus on your own needs and healing. Thinking of you and your DH. Many, many hugs.

Forum Moderator
Posts: 2949
Joined: Tue Nov 12, 637985 10:46 pm

Re : Feel bad about visitors

Postby trish » Fri Sep 25, 638612 3:42 pm

Small goals are enough. And it's great that people are helping you out but know that they *do* understand that you are not even remotely up for socializing right now.

You just take care of you, let your husband take care of you & do whatever helps you feel better & get through the day. (((HUGS)))

Return to “Grief and Loss”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests