what should I do (probably way TMI)?

Are you considering having another child after preeclampsia? Trying again after preeclampsia can be an emotional challenge. You can find support with others who share your concerns here.
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Re : what should I do (probably way TMI)?

Postby surefoott » Thu Aug 07, 2008 12:38 am

I am sorry you are dealing with this. I agree with the others that if you and DH are both agreeable to do the donor, that is definitely the way to go. DH will absolutely be the father and you both sound like wonderful caring parents. I wish you luck at whatever you ultimately decide to do. Will be anxious to hear the next steps.

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Re : what should I do (probably way TMI)?

Postby sheri-ct » Thu Aug 07, 2008 12:36 am

Hi Jana,

I'm sorry about your new information. Hugs to your DH. I would probably cancel this cycle and bd at home since you will O. Regarding the donor sperm, it is a personal decision, but I would go for it. I think the risks are lower than once thought and your pre-e might have been due to carrying triplets. It is a difficult decision, but if you and DH are comfortable, then I'd do it.


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Re : what should I do (probably way TMI)?

Postby biogal » Thu Aug 07, 2008 11:59 am

Jana, I am so sorry to hear about the newly discovered IF diagnosis. I can only imagine how tough it is for your dh. I completely understand not being able to afford do to IVF again with having paid everything out of pocket for your previous cycles. I was rolling around the numbers in my head given that you did shared-risk for Xander, I presume at least one cycle for your girls, and the last failed cycle--that's a whole lot of money (and that doesn't include your previous IUI cycles)! My point is it is easy for people to point you in the direction of adoption when they have no clue about the costs and/or emotional stress.

In terms of the current cycle I'd probably say to save your money given that the stats aren't great for a bfp with MF and IUI. I think it's wonderful that your dh is open to using donor sperm for the next cycle! Your chances of a bfp will be great, but I do understand your worries. What does the research say about new partners and PE. I thought I read that the new research didn't show it to be as much of a factor as previously thought and that it's probably more related to time between pregnancies than a different partner. Have you discussed it with your peri?

Since you want our personal opinion, I say go for the inj/iui/donor sperm cycle. As you know nothing in life comes with a guarantee and the benefit will far outweigh the risk! Best wishes to you my dear!

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Re : what should I do (probably way TMI)?

Postby katevans » Thu Aug 07, 2008 09:12 am

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Does your husband have a brother that would be willing to donate to have the same gene pool? Would that help against PE again? I have had the same father for all three of my pregancies, and the last two have been PE free (I am now 37).
IMO, I would probably not do the IUI now, just because of the statistics.

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Re : what should I do (probably way TMI)?

Postby neslo » Thu Aug 07, 2008 08:54 am

Wow - Jana - What a lot to filter through in your mind. First let me just say that IF sucks! For you and me and everyone else here. Having children is supposed to be a happy, wonderful life experience - not one filled with this much worry and stress.

That is a really tough decision. There are so many factors involved. Adoption is a really wonderful fulfilling experience. I have absolutely nothing but positive things to say about it. But that being said - it is still difficult and emotionally taxing in a completely different way than ttc. But then again so is ART... I'm not really any help am I??? I am kind of at the same cross roads. I am ready to start IVF but am still wondering if adoption is a better choice for us. In a perfect world I wouldn't need to be making this kind of decision - and either would you.

We just did a clomid IUI cycle with no luck - so I am probably biased - but I would say save your money to do an inject IUI cycle. If you canceled this cycle it would give you and DH time to really come to a decision about using the donor sperm. I think it is something that both of you need to be completely comfortable with.

Your DH sounds like mine - at this point he is willing to do what ever I want to do. But that almost makes it harder to really come to a final decision because (at least for me) everything rests on your shoulders.

As for the donor sperm part of it - if you feel comfortable with it and so does he - go for it. You are right - a baby created through this process with be his no matter what. Just keep letting him know that non of this is his fault - he has about as much control over his sperm as we do over our eggs.

I'm sorry - I know I haven't really been much help but PLEASE ramble on - we are all here to listen. I need the saem thing.

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what should I do (probably way TMI)?

Postby jana m » Thu Aug 07, 2008 08:34 am

Well, it looks like we are no longer 'unexplained' with regard to our infertility. DH had test where they looked more closely at morphology and it came back very abnormal (motility was just below normal too, but overall count was okay). He is crushed to say the least and feels so bad about it. RE has always suspected a MF problem, but DH has never had a test come back bad enough to say that he was the cause (of course my 35 year old eggs aren't helping any either!).

Anyway, I took clomid on cd's 5-9 (I am now on cd 13) and we were going to do IUI with DH's sperm. We found out about the test results somewhere in the middle of clomid. RE feels that the chances of DH's sperm alone getting me pregnant with clomid are very unlikely and he recommended we think about using both DH's sperm and donor sperm with injectables. A friend of mine who used to be an IF nurse even suggested that DH go in and give a sample to freeze so we can have 2 of DH's samples (one frozen and then a fresh on the actual day of IUI) and donor sperm if we wanted.

It's no so much about biology at this point. Even if we used donor sperm, DH would be the father of the baby if I were lucky enough to get pregnant. He doesn't care what we do and is willing to do whatever I want because he knows how much I want xander to have a living sibling. We are looking into adoption too, but it is so expensive! We have already spent so much on IVF (which is why we are not going to do it again) that I'm not sure we could afford adoption at this point.

Anyway, I was wondering what your thoughts are about all of this. I know it's a personal decision, but I was really needing to bounce it off others. Also, should I cancel this clomid/IUI since the likelihood of it working is so low and just save the $$ to put towards the injectables since I'd have a better shot (no pun intended, ha, ha!)?

The whole donor sperm thing is so scary to me that we are going to therapy today to talk about it. I'm of course also worried about the risk of recurrent PE if it's the donor sperm that were to get me pregnant since it would technically be a new partner.

My poor DH. He keeps apologizing to me for 'shooting blanks' and I keep reminding him that his guys gave us four beautiful, perfect children. Since we can no longer do IVF (which given his issue we are perfect candidates for) we just have to look into other options.

Anyway, sorry for all of my rambling. If you've made it this far, thanks so much for reading! Sorry so long and for TMI.

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