Soooo FRUSTRATED and HATING PE Today!!! (vent)

[pipper]

My husband and I are currently getting involved in foster care. The case workers told us that out of the 100 kids placed in foster care each year (in our county), about 40 are adopted by their foster parents. It's free, and from what we were told by people going through the process, it wasn't half as difficult as adopting from a different country.

I get frustrated with being high risk too...we probably all do. You just have to realize that we were chosen for a rougher road for a reason. Your baby's out there, and when the time is right, everything will start to fall into place.

[annes]

Paige, my cousin and her husband adopted 2 little girls from China, years ago, they are teens now. The younger has a deformed hand, which through a couple routine surgeries here is functional. They are such a happy, beautiful family. I am glad you are feeling better today, I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you and your family.

[mommy1st]

Paige,

My brother and his wife did foster in the attempt to adopt through the state and that's how they were able to afford it, it's free! At least here in AZ it is. They said what age they wanted, race etc. They got a little boy when he was 4 months old and now he is almost 18 months old and parents are going to give up their rights in April and start the adoption process!! My brother and his wife always looked at it in they will have had that child for x amount of time and that amount on time they will have loved him/her unconditionally even if it means giving him/her back. They aren't going to be giving their boy back but that's how they went into the foster/adopt process.

I hope you are able to adopt soon and find some anwsers! If you want you can email me and I can ask my brother and his wife more questions for you!!!

[paige_va]

Thanks to everyone for your support. I'm a bit better today. Amanda's absolutely right about facing fears and opening yourself to new options, even seemingly scary ones. At this point, we're seriously looking into a China program that allows you to adopt children with minor medical needs. These kids need someone so much to love them and give them access to decent medical care. It seems like such a crime to let children go through life with simple, correctable problems, such as clubfoot and cleft lip. Anyway, we're looking into it.

Amanda,
I would appreciate any wisdom and knowledge you have. I'm open to a lot of different options. I'm not sure I could live through bonding with a child and then having to put her back in a bad situation....what a nightmare. I'd love to hear more, though. Domestic infant adoption is unbelievably expensive. I was looking at it last night just for curiosity's sake...$20,000 just for the placement fee!!! Does not include legal fees or potential birth mother medical expenses. UGH.

Anne,
Thanks for the Philippines recommendation. It was a program we were seriously considering, and it's a great one, especially if you or DH are part Filipino. However, looks like it's not going to work for us for a couple of different reasons. :(

Sabrina,
I am in constant awe of your strength of character and fortitude in the face of this horrible disease. What an accomplishment it is to have a third daughter!!! Congratulations! I just don't have the stomach for it, not after 5 weeks in the hospital when I was pg with Collin. Can't do it again, although DH has repeatedly told me that he'd be very supportive. You go girl!!!

Heather,
Can you believe they're 2??? Seems like only yesterday we were counting down the days until they'd be born. Collin's as big as an ox now! He's only about a pound lighter than Meredith, and about 2 inches shorter. They grow so fast. Glad to see things are well with you and the kids. Kisses to Ella from Collin!

To all,
It's great to know that you all are around. I have yet to find another community as supportive as this one (and as full of absolutely amazing women.) Thanks so much.

[theartsymom]

hugs to you and your family today.

[kbunsey]

I've known other people that have gone through adoptions and still, even after having their children happily here from other countries I can see their hearts are heavy b/c the process was so overwhelming and exhausting and just plain frustrating. I guess there are loopholes that you can only learn by going through the process once and then it makes a second adoption easier.

I too didn't know all the limitations, geeeeze... I am sorry that you are frustrated. I know myself well enough that if I can't give birth to my own living baby, I'm not cut out for the adoption process. It would make me too bitter. Good for you for trying! You'll get there.

[brianned5]

I had no idea they looked at things such as weight and chronic hypertension and so forth. So many children need homes. Good luck!

[amanda]

Hi Paige -
Since Heather invited me to drop my two cents... LOL

You are right that adoption is sometimes difficult and you are right that it seems like it takes FOREVER! I see that you've already been on the adoption forums - that's an excellent resource since a lot of them have information gathered into one central source. Just a quick question - have you considered foster to adopt? I'm asking because sometimes folks don't realize that you do actually have more control than is originally thought. For example: you can indicate that you are only willing to take a prelegal placement that has a high probability for going forward, you can indicate that you only want newborns - those things really do happen although admittingly they might not be the norm where you live. The other big plus is that there are some subsidies for those adoptions. What I found is that the more I became flexible in my options the less time that it took - difficult sometimes I know. I also know that I had to go through and face some of my fears which again are sometimes difficult to do.

Please feel free to contact me directly if you have any questions that you think I might be able to help you with. If I've give info you already have I'm sorry!

[annes]

Paige, I am so sorry you guys are running into obstacles. You are totally right, adoption should be so much easier than it is, so many children need good homes. I am sure you have already done a ton of research on this and know way more than I do but just in case... we looked into the Phillipines when we were considering adoption, my dh is part phillipino,and they seemed to have a decent program. Good luck.

[heather j]

It's good to see you, Paige, but WOW that sucks. At the onset, we would've loved 4 or 5 kids, but that's just not going to happen. Period. Now, I spend days flipping back and forth between deciding to have one more or stop now. I wish adoption WERE easier (and stories like Amanda's - who I hope pops in here and gives her two cents! - give me hope), and they should be since there are so, so many children out there who need someone to be their family. It shouldn't be so hard. I hope you find a program that clicks for your family.

Give Collin a late Happy 2nd Birthday kiss from Ella!