My baby stuff

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support
mrs.magdaleno
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Re : My baby stuff

Postby mrs.magdaleno » Fri May 29, 2009 11:17 am

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Gattlin.

I didn't have many things when I lost Jake. I had just registered and was just waiting another month for my baby shower. But the items I did buy/receive, I kept. I just had to hold on to everything for it felt like I still had him with me. I like to go through them once in a while and picture him. Sometimes they bring a smile to my face, sometimes they make me cry. I don't see myself ever getting rid of them. I suppose I'll just use the items for my "maybe baby" one day.

Just know that everyone is different. Do what feels right to you. I've learned in this process that there's no wrong or right way to do anything. There's just your way. (((HUGS)))

wrennie
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Re : My baby stuff

Postby wrennie » Thu May 28, 2009 08:57 pm

I am so sorry for your loss and send you big hugs. It is great you are going to counseling. I found that my therapist really helped me. It provided me a safe place to work through my grief and allowed me to process in ways I never would have thought of with out counseling. Just remember if you dont like the person you see, dont give up. You may have to screen several before finding a match, it can be exhausting, but worth it in the end. Mine was experienced with women and loss, that helped alot, she had the right perspective for our discussions as a result.

As far as the baby stuff goes, you should do what feels comfortable. Even if that means you do NOTHING right at this moment. Dont rush yourself, dont even think of it if you cant, you will know when the time comes what feels right. Maybe you end up donating it, maybe you keep it? who knows, it may be too early for you to make that big of a decision yet. I personally kept all of Elodies things, she passed at 31 weeks and we had everything all set up. All the baby stuff was moved into her room and we closed the door. After I became pregnant again, around 5 months into that pregnancy, my therapist encouraged me to start opening the door to the room as we planned to keep it mostly the same. It was hard, I then took small steps to spend time in there not doing anything but spending time...sort of grieving the room and the hope of our first baby. I had to come to peace with it so that I would be ready to make it our new babys room. FOr me, I was able to do that. I was able to say, yes this is Elodies room with Elodies stuff, but now it is also Aylahs room, and I am okay with it. It just goes to show that you may think differently down the road than you do now.

hope that helps, hang in there girl. The loss of a child, of thier hope, is unbearable. Time does help to heal the pain, but you will always have it in your heart and will have to learn what your new normal will be. I am so sorry you are in that spot. take care

debbie78
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Re : My baby stuff

Postby debbie78 » Thu May 28, 2009 01:13 pm

It is so different for everyone. Sophie died 29 months ago yesterday. We had everything for her, thinking we were going to be bringing her home from the hospital-- and were handed the largest shock of our lives when we found out she had passed.
My parents came back to our house and moved everything baby-related throughout the house into our attic. The only place they did not touch was her nursery. When I could, I went into the nursery and gathered up everything I wanted to keep-- her first gloworm, her coming home outfits, and some other special things and I tucked them away in a chest (toybox actually) to keep, well, forever. Everything else, I sold it all in a yardsale. Except her changing table. That was 8 months after she died. I just couldn't fathom ever using her things for another baby, and I got rid of it all.

Like I said, it is different for everyone, and you should do it at your own pace.

I'm so sorry that you lost your baby. (((Hugs)))

joker
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Joined: Wed Jul 18, 2007 10:55 am

Re : My baby stuff

Postby joker » Thu May 28, 2009 12:57 am

I am so sorry for your loss. There is alot of guilt that comes with a loss due to preeclampsia. I still feel guilty over Abby and not being able to carry her and keep her safe. What I did was pack everything into storage containers and store it in our basement. I couldn't bring myself to get rid of the stuff.

clayjmw
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Joined: Sat May 23, 2009 02:02 am

Re : My baby stuff

Postby clayjmw » Wed May 27, 2009 10:14 pm

I was in your shoes 7 years ago when my daughter was still born. I felt the same why you do. Let me take a guess. You feel guilt because the one place your baby was susposed to be safe they were not. Trust me for years I told myself that. Until I realized things happen for a reason, most times we don't know what the reason is but it is there you just have to wait. Mine came 6 months after my daughter was born still. I found I pregnant again so with what happened the first time I payed close attention to my 2nd pregnancy and thank the lord I did cause now I have my beautiful son who is now 5 years old. The pain will go away it just takes time.

clayjmw
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Re : My baby stuff

Postby clayjmw » Wed May 27, 2009 10:10 pm

What I did when this happened 7 years ago I put all of my daughters things in a beautiful box and put it away out of my sight. Everyone asks why I keep and I tell them because it was her things and I knew one day (has not happened yet) I would want to look through that box. Diffrent people have diffrent reactions. You do what your heart and mind tell you and you will not go wrong it is all about the healing process.

sanjay_sg
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Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2009 09:59 am

Re : My baby stuff

Postby sanjay_sg » Wed May 27, 2009 09:26 pm

I'm so sorry for your loss and I know very well how it feels as I lost my son Raj just 2 days before. My parents did not allow me to buy anythings for my baby as its a tradition here to buy things only after the baby comes safely this is just to comfort ourselves if there's any loss.
This forum is great to have unknown people coming together and consoling each other. Me and my wife are now trying to get used to the situation.
Really sorry again.

brianned5
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Re : My baby stuff

Postby brianned5 » Wed May 27, 2009 03:45 pm

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my first baby, Kylie, in July. I refused to allow anyone to take her things away and she had everything except a car seat and bathtub. It's all about what you can handle. For me it would be way worse if I didn't have her things, but everyone feels differently. I also feel like failure even when people tell me it's not my fault. In the end though, we know we love and miss our babies and would have done anything to save them if it was in our hands. Even 10 months into my journey of sorrow I still sometimes don't know how to handle things. You will find a lot of support on this forum, and I know the first several months after Kylie died the only thing that kept me sane was finding other parents who lost their babies and talking to them., finding ways to make sure my baby is remembered by others.

annes
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Re : My baby stuff

Postby annes » Wed May 27, 2009 01:29 pm

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby, Gattlin is such a nice name. I lost my son Griffin three years ago, it was and still is the worst thing that has happened in my life. I cannot answer your question about the baby things, we had not bought very many things and so did not have to make the decisions. I am sure the other ladies will be along to share their experiences with you. I understand the feeling of failure that you are experiencing, but you did not fail your child, you did everything you could do for him! This disease is a horrible thief, it strikes all different people often with very little warning. Take care of yourself.

larenda
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Joined: Wed May 27, 2009 11:12 am

My baby stuff

Postby larenda » Wed May 27, 2009 11:42 am

I just lost my baby about 1 1/2 months ago. I had my family take all of the baby "stuff" out of the house before I got home from the hospital becuase I thought it would be too hard to see. Now I don't know what to do with it. It is stored at a friends house and I can't bring myself to look at it. I don't want it to ruin. I don't know if I should bring it back to the store or keep it. It is mostly in boxes except for the stuff my mom and I got too excited to see and put together. This is still very hard for me. I am just going for my first counciling session today. Please give me advice on this and any other topics you think I may need advice on. I do not know how to handle any of this. Gattlin was my first child. I feel like a failure because my body would not keep him safe. I need any words of wisdom or encouragement you can give me.


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