by m (140 Posts), Sat Apr 24, 2010 08:32 pm
I have been having a rough time lately with grieving for my son since the birth of my daughter. I am so happy to have my daughter at home with me. I love caring for her and she has brought so much happiness to us.
But at the same time, I am thinking of my first baby, the big brother she will never know. Everything I do for and with Haley are things I was never able to do with Levi. It's just not right that we never got to bring him home, never got to dress him or show him off to our friends. I didn't have a baby shower for him and now people want to give me one for Haley, but I still don't feel like I can make it through one, even if it's for me.
I didn't expect my next baby to make everything better - I know I will always bear the loss of my son. But I didn't expect it to be this hard to deal with after I had been doing so well. I think people expect me to be able to celebrate Mother's Day this year, but I really don't think it will be any better than last year. I don't know if I will ever be able to celebrate it.
I've been thinking about all this a lot lately and I'm sure there are others here who have dealt with the same issues. Anyone have any advice?