Laura, I'm so sorry for your loss... At the risk of sounding like I'm preaching, I want to say something and have it come out right, and for it to comfort you, because that's all that matters.
For me, it's in really hard trials that I've grown closer to the Lord. I've had 3 miscarriages (one life & fertility threatening), I explained Daniel, and I lost my best friend 5 years ago to a heart attack. You're in it right now, bless your heart. There's a few things in regard to what you said that I'm certain of: none of us deserve miracles, it's not "our" faith or anything we do that moves mountains, and though sometimes He seems distant, He never abandons us.
As far as the second thing, I despise the name it & claim it gospel. It's not because we didn't pray enough, or deserve it enough, sometimes our suffering is just part of God's will. Look at Paul in the New Testament... He was way more deserving than I of blessings/miracles/mercy, yet he endured suffering I could never imagine in my lifetime. Anyhow, like you say, we can't question this or understand it. God knows the end from the beginning, and how all things work together for good. We have to trust Him, not trust in a certain outcome. Likewise, when he says yes, and blesses us with a miracle, we don't pat ourselves on the back and say it's all because we prayed enough, do we? God alone gets the glory.
I'm happy to hear your 2nd pregnancy went well too.
Miscarriage Feb 05 & Dec 07
Daniel born Feb 09 at 27w5d, 1 lb 1 oz/12 inches (severe IUGR) due to Severe Pre-E & HELLP. Now tall for age and no complications.
Diagnosed with MTHFR
Cornual Ectopic miscarriage Mar 11
Natalie born 6-5-12 at full term, 7 lb 11 oz & 21.5 inches, progesterone 2-8 weeks (for suspected luteal phase defect), lovenox 6-29 weeks, lda 0-36 weeks, folic.